The Secret

photo from cnn,com

"What day is it today?" asked my 4-yr-old daughter as soon as she got out of bed.  "Is it Sunday? Saturday? Thursday?"  She found out it was Friday and leaped for joy as she ran down the stairs to excitedly tell her daddy that it was Friday, the day they were going to do "the secret."

Earlier in the week during prayer, this little girl had excitedly told me that she and Daddy had a secret.  And she told me that she couldn't say what it was and then proceeded to say thank you in her prayer for "the secret."  I cannot express how impressed I was with her for keeping it, too.  Even "I" had NO IDEA what the secret was - nor did I remember it even existed.

So when she woke up ecstatic this morning, I was very curious.  I didn't have to wait long to be told by my excited little girl that she and Daddy were going to make VERY SPECIAL NECKLACES with VERY SPECIAL BEADS today.

Now in all fairness, I woke up this morning with some excitement as well!  All I wanted to do was drive around and look at my list of potential houses to buy in the area.  I had researched them, plotted them out, narrowed them down, etc.  So when I woke up, I also ran downstairs excitedly to tell Daddy about MY PLAN for the day!

My daughter, usually my sidekick in looking at and dreaming about houses, told me she didn't want to go and look at houses with me today - that we could do it tomorrow - because today was the day for putting together VERY SPECIAL NECKLACES with Daddy.

Guess what?  Changing the oil in the car, an unplanned business call, an extra hungry baby with a few unplanned blowouts and baths, some turkey soup to take to a friend who had a baby, grocery shopping for the week, a wrong turn detour, and a few e-mails later . . . it was dark. And we couldn't see the houses I wanted to see.

I. Was. Upset.  Annoyed, frustrated, a little angry, and ultimately heartbroken.

But that was NOTHING compared to a little girl who realized as the sun went down that the day was over . . . and she had NOT gotten to have a special day or make her special necklace with Daddy and his special beads.

As she sobbed in the back seat, my first inclination was to be stern and get her to stop crying.  I mean, I was aggitated about my plans that had fallen through that day; I was in NO MOOD for a sobbing child in the closed confines of our car.

But it suddenly occurred to me that SHE was more upset by her plans falling through than I was.  She was heartbroken.

Once home, she broke down again - sobbing uncontrollably.  It was then that Daddy told me he had told her earlier in the week that on FRIDAY they were going to make special necklaces with special beads.  The dots connected; the light of understanding turned on.  As I headed upstairs to change a diaper, I heard her sobbing quietly in her room and mumbling under her breath about not getting to do her special project with Daddy.

It was at that moment that I realized that she needed to be understood.  She needed a hug.  She needed to feel validated in her feelings.  She needed to know it was okay to be heartbroken and cry.  She needed to know I understood the value of very special things and time with Daddy.  And she needed to understood that I "got" her - that I knew she was a person and not just a child!

I called her into my room and gave her a HUGE hug and said, "I am so sorry that you didn't get to do your necklaces today with Daddy."

She stopped crying, hugged me back, and said, "Thank you, Mommy!  I really wanted to do that all day.  Do you think we can do them tomorrow? Can we make tomorrow a day full of ALL the special things?"  Of course my answer was yes - and I may or may not have been near tears myself as her excited face and shining eyes and forgiving heart shone up at me.

I think sometimes we get lost in "parenting" our children.  We are teaching them, making them food, disciplining them (sometimes too much of that, huh?), correcting them, cleaning up after them, trying to get them to clean up after themselves, running here and there, telling them to be patient as we try to keep up with the constant demands, etc.  Sometimes in the midst of all of that, we forget they are just people like us.  They understand a lot more than we give them credit for.  They may be little, but that doesn't give them a lesser place of importance, a smaller voice in our home.

If we will just love them, respect them, understand them, validate them, include them, give them a role, and listen to them, we'll find that more frequently than we realized, they are the teachers; we are the students. But mostly, we really aren't that different.

My deliberate mothering goal is to give my children more of a voice in planning our days, in making decisions and setting goals, in choosing consequences for decisions, in creating a healthy menu that they will enjoy, etc.

Any tips and insight would definitely be welcome.

I Think I Can . . . And Do!

One of the things I do NOT like to hear my children say is, "Mommy - I CA-AN'T!!!" (Insert whiny-voice-you-know-all-too-well here).

To counter that (and get rid of the whine), I started to cut them off as soon as/just after they said it and say, "Uh-uh. No cant's! Say, 'I think I can, I think I can, I think I can' . . . and DO!"

The other day, and on a few other occasions, I heard my 4-year-old trying something new and saying softly under her breath, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can . . . and DO!" over and over again.  There was probably some soft singing mixed in there as well -- she's cute like that!

It really hit me how powerful our thoughts are!  How powerful the voices in your head that teach you something over and over again.  I have seen the sign all over Pinterest that your voice becomes the voice in your children's heads, so you must watch what you are telling them.  It reminds me of a song in the musical Into the Woods: "Careful the things you say, children will listen!"
I have always loved this saying:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Our thoughts are shaped by so many things - what we read, what we hear, what we listen to, who we surround ourselves with, what we say, what others say.

Control your mind . . . control your future!

Teach your children empowering thoughts!  Teach them to say, "I can! I do! I am! I will!"  Teach them to say, "I am strong! I am beautiful! I am smart! I am talented! I am fun!" and other things that affirm all they are instead of what they are not!

How will you do that?

You'll start with YOU!  You'll start by weeding your garden of all the negative, degrading, self-doubting, self-depricating thoughts that may exist in your head.  You'll start by turning, 'I can't!' into 'I think I can . . . and DO!'  You'll start by weeding your garden of any weeds that are already planted there, no matter how deep the roots.

1. Get a notebook or a piece of paper to carry around with you/have near you for a few days to a few weeks.  
2. Pay attention to your thoughts.  
3. Every time a negative thought enters your head, write it down on that paper/in that notebook.  Then write down anything associated with it - anything that led up to it, any negative memory surrounding it. How you reacted to it/projected it.
4. After a week or two of doing this - write yourself a letter of all the negatives you need to remove from your life.  Tell yourself that they have no power over you any more, that you refuse to listen to them anymore.  Tell yourself why they were there to begin with and that you are ready to be done with them.  One of my professors would call this the "Blood Essay" because it allows you to bleed out all the negative on paper - and often times it allows you to look pain square in the face and not run from it.
5. Once you have written yourself a letter, share it with someone you love/trust!  It's so important to validate - to yourself and someone important to you/trustworthy - that you have had these thoughts and feelings, that they have been very real to you in your life.  BUT that you are also DONE with them!  Choose someone constant, someone you know will never use it against you or even try to give you advice about/talk you out of feeling it.  Just someone who will let you share your emotional vomit for a minute and be done with it forever!
6. After you've validated, BURN it!  Burn that letter!  Or tear it up into a million pieces and flush it down the toilet.  Whatever it takes to permanently get rid of it as a symbol of your readiness to move forward from it.
7. Start to dream up and re-think all the wonderful things that are going to replace those thoughts in your life!

The Tree

My friend Peni posted a picture of this - her favorite tree in her yard - yesterday.  She said it is the most beautiful green in the Summer and produces the most beautiful colors in the Fall.  I asked her what kind of tree it was, and she said she can't remember.  They got it about 5 years ago - the nursery said it was a "dead tree" and gave it to them for free.  They took it home, planted it, nourished it, and this is what it became.

What lessons for life that tree represents!

I read a book by Jordan Adler a few days ago.  In it, he talks about how many times in his life he "failed" at something simply because he listened to those who said it wasn't possible, it was a bad idea, it would never take him anywhere, he was dumb for even trying it.  And he said that he allowed those thoughts to take root and - pretty soon - started to believe them so much that he quit.

Not only did he believe them, but he fed them.  He started looking for failure in his life - bought into the label that he was unlucky. And where he looked for evidence of that, he found it!  He failed at everything he tried, never got a lucky break from anything in his life.

Until one day . . . someone told him he was lucky!  Someone told him he was good at something, had the magic touch!  And from then on, that little seed of belief and faith planted in his heart and mind and started to grow . . . and grow . . . and grow.

He learned that the difference in his life up to that point was not that he had been unlucky and was suddenly a changed person, but that he planted unlucky in his mind and allowed it to kill all "luck" in his path.  Whenever a situation presented itself, he saw obstacles as evidence it was destined to fail instead of simply obstacles with solutions, that could be overcome.

A Nursery's dead tree - one they had nurtured from a seed and intended to sell to gain a profit; one they gave away because it would never grow or amount to anything - is now a family's favorite!  It brings them joy in multiple seasons.  It is thriving, flourishing, and beautiful to ANYONE who sees it!

What made the difference?  What is making the difference in how YOU live and what YOU expect to get from YOUR life? Think about that - dig deep into your heart and listen to what answers it gives you.

And for today . . . enjoy this beautiful tree!

If You Could Teach Your Children 10 Things

I know we have all heard that a goal not written down doesn't exist.  I'm sure you have also heard that if you try to chase too many things at once, you end up losing them all. 

I am a list writer because it's the only way I can keep my thoughts organized and keep it together - make sure I actually get things done that I need to get done.

So when I heard this advice from Jack Canfield at a recent conference I attended, it really struck a cord in my heart.  Of all the things in the world that I could be - of all the things I would or might even want to teach my children, if I had to FOCUS in on just 10, nothing more, no cheating, no combining, just the 10 MOST IMPORTANT THINGS . . . what would they be?

At first I thought about this in terms of identifying the 10 most important things.  But lately, as I've tried to focus in on the most important things in my own life and make sure that they get done, I realized that this invitation is about more than IDENTIFYING.  It's also about ACCOMPLISHING!

You see, if I have a never-ending list of things I am always working on, I am probably never getting anything done.  When I have a focused list of a few things I am intentionally . . . deliberately . . . working on, I am CERTAIN to succeed in doing them.

Take to heart this invitation.  My husband pointed out on my twins' 4th birthday that we had already gone through about 1/5 of our time WITH them.  And our time with them only amounts to about 1/5 of their entire lives.  But what we accomplish during that 1/5 of their lives will shape them for the rest of it.  We have no time to waste with our precious charge to teach our children.

So if you get just 10 things that they will remember FOREVER and NO MATTER WHAT, what do you choose?  Write them down.  Then make them happen! 

Trust Your Heart

Sometimes I look in my children's eyes and I wonder if I am doing it right.

Am I teaching them the essential things?  Am I giving them enough attention and time?  Am I creating within them a desire to rely on and love each other, to want to be a part of each others lives?  Do they know I love them most, even when I struggle to find the energy, power, and light in myself and my own motherhood?

If you are like me, you have - at least once in your life - been on the receiving end of untimely criticism.  Perhaps you have even been on the receiving end of harsh judgments passed by other people - or even society at large - that left you wondering what you were doing, about the choices you were making, and if you were giving the best to the things that matter most.

Perhaps you have even fallen into the comparison trap at times - looking through rose-colored glasses at the "does everything perfectly" family/marriage/home/parent/child.  And in the face of that perfection, you have felt even more keenly your imperfection.  You have tried to implement all of the good advice, duplicate all of the great traditions, discipline like all of the great parents, make your children follow the perfect goal chart, stick to the perfect housekeeping plan, practice all of the perfect relationship counsels, and in the end felt completely overwhelmed by it all and even more like a failure than you ever felt before.

That is why I love this advice from Onyx Coale: "Trust your heart and what is right for YOU.  And when it all looks like a mess, and nothing makes ANY sense, keep your eye fixed on the GOAL . . . and just keep going!"

There are a lot of people who have learned great things while walking a road similar to yours. And learning those things can definitely empower and be a beautiful help in becoming better.

HOWEVER, no one - no matter how long they have lived or what experiences they have had - has walked YOUR road!  No one has ever raised YOUR children.  No one has ever been in YOUR marriage.  No one has ever organized YOUR home.  No one has ever lived in YOUR head and heart.  No one has ever had your delicate balance of challenges, strengths, weaknesses, dreams, talents, abilities, fears, struggles, experiences, failures, and successes.  Only YOUR HEART knows what is best for YOU.  Only YOUR HEART knows how to delicately maneuver - and at times even just survive - YOUR life!  And for the moments when you feel even you don't know, no one else has the stewardship or right to receive answers and find out like YOU do.

So take a minute - or a few every day - to sift through all the voices in your head, to find YOUR voice - your TRUE voice!  Determine your top goals in each aspect of your life.  Jack Canfield said, "If you could teach your children just 10 things - no more - what would they be?"  Identify what the MOST important things are in each area of your life.  And then CREATE the life of YOUR dreams, within the context of YOUR reality. 

Identifying will empower you to make it through the voices of others.  You won't rely on THEIR approval or experience with THEIR lives and goals.  Nor will you judge them for what they have done differently than you choose to.  And it won't destroy you if they don't give that approval to you for yours.  You will be able to take the BEST of what they offer and leave the rest behind because you will know WHERE you are going and WHY.  You will know WHO and WHAT are leading you, and you will get strength in knowing you are following YOUR compass and YOUR path. And that knowledge will give you confidence and empowerment to get through the hard times.

When things get hard, when it all looks like a mess and makes NO SENSE AT ALL - even to you, let alone to anyone else - go back to that list, go back to the Source, keep your eye fixed on what matters the most to you and where you are headed, and block out all the other voices until only YOURS is guiding you how to just . . . keep . . . going.

Will you make mistakes?  Definitely.  But they will be YOUR mistakes; and when you look back on your life, they will dim in the face of the JOY you feel at having realized YOUR goals.

Everyone Knows Something

I recently attended a meeting with some pretty amazing, inspirational women presenting on how to succeed in achieving your goals.  One lady - a woman from Florida named Onyx Coale - blew me away!  She got up on stage and shared a few nuggets I will share with you in future posts - mostly about life and happiness and success.

She then picked up this huge box from Amazon and took out 5 copies of a book.  She told us what it was that she had gleaned from it, why it was so important, and then asked who wanted a copy.  Bummed that I didn't get one, I was surprised to see her run up to the box and take out 10 copies of another book.  She told us what it was about, what she had learned from it, and asked who wanted a copy.  She continued to repeat this process six or seven times, with different books each time.

Then she told us her secret to success: LEARN all you can!  Every time she meets someone who impacts her in some way -- or even has a chance to sit and visit with someone new for an extended period of time -- she always asks them what book has had the greatest influence on them in their lives.  Or what book has shaped them in some way.  And whatever their answer, she writes it down and buys the book.  She has, in her office, an entire shelf of the books that have been suggested to her - some she has read already and passed along to us, some she has yet to read.

This experience reminded me of something my mom once wrote me. "Everyone you meet today knows something you do not, but need to."

You are surrounded by opportunities to learn and grow!  From each of your children - yes, they really do teach you the biggest lessons, don't they? - to your spouse to your neighbors to your coworkers to the lady ringing you up in the checkout line at the grocery store.  Each one of them can TEACH you something!

You don't have to step out of your world OR your comfort zone to expand your mind and learn something new.  You just need to have "ears to hear."  So go do it!  Do it TODAY!

Waiting for PERFECT?

What do you WANT from your life?  Have you sat down and created a VISION for where you are headed, what you want to have, what you want to do, what you want to create?  Do you have a savings plan, a retirement plan, a budget to pay off your debt?  Do you have family vacations you are definitely going to take, physical aspirations you are definitely going to accomplish, or maybe even on a smaller note you have a room in the house you are going to reorganize or paint or decorate a certain way?  Are you stuck in today . . . waiting for PERFECT?

Guess what?  PERFECT is probably not coming the way you think.

I know for me, there are so many things that I DON'T DO because I want them to be PERFECT!  I'm the "all or nothing", "success or bust" girl.  The QUEEN of it, actually!  For example:

• I miss dating my husband!  I know it would be SO GOOD for us to get out once a week and have a fantastic date night.  But it's so hard (and so expensive) to plan something every week.  And then we have to find a babysitter, and make sure the kids are in bed.  And then I have to think of something besides dinner and a movie that I can afford.  Hmmm . . . maybe this is why we don't date?  Perfect is Good; But DONE is Better!
• I have a friend who sent me an e-mail weeks ago.  I keep meaning to reply to her - because she is SUCH a great friend that I don't want her to think I don't have time for her.  But I don't ever have time to write ALL that I want to write - or all that she asked me about - so instead of "jipping" her on a so-so reply, I wait until I can write the reply she deserves . . . . until it drifts to the bottom of my e-mail list and I forget it's even there.  Perfect is Good; But DONE is Better!
• I want to eat organically across the board!  I want the BEST nutrition for me and for my kids!  I want to get a PERFECT workout in every single day - exercise 45 minutes, make sure I have the right mix of cardio and weights in my week.  I want to be sure I incorporate ALL of Bob Harper's rules . . . and everyone else's who has had success, for that matter.  And today - I just don't have the energy for a 45 minute workout, so I'll be sure to wake up tomorrow and get that workout in.  Because I really want it - I KNOW it matters!  Tomorrow . . . I'll eat better, follow all the rules, have the PERFECT exercise routine . . . order ALL of the supplements I need to enjoy optimal health and make sure I am going to be healthy and happy for years to come . . . tomorrow . . . . Perfect is Good; But DONE is Better!
• I want to keep a family journal.  The kids say so many cute things every day.  They are growing so fast!  I don't want to miss ONE THING while we are living it.  And pictures - you HAVE to have pictures to go with it.  I need to be better about taking pictures and posting them on my blog and sharing them with other people.  I am going to do ALL of that . . . for each child . . . . PERFECT is Good; But DONE is Better!

What PERFECT are you waiting for?  Stop waiting.  And LIVE whatever part of your dream/desire you can TODAY!  Start where you are and DO SOMETHING.  Then tomorrow, do something more.  Then the next day, a little bit more.  Because as AMAZING as perfect is . . . DONE, even a fraction of done, really IS perfect!

RAID the Clutter Bug

I HATE SPIDERS.  Bugs of all types, really.  We used to live in sunny southern California -- with cockroaches and fairly large black widow spiders.  Not even exaggerating, I didn't sleep with the lights off for the first few months we lived there! LOL!  You cannot imagine how draining it was for me to live - essentially for two years - looking at the floor every time I stepped out into my garage, having a cockroach fall off the door frame onto my hand or into my laundry basket, walking around my car before I let my kids go out there to make sure there wasn't a black widow spider they were going to find intriguing and try to grab.  Seriously - my kids went through a stage of swatting bugs with their hands and thinking it was pretty darn cool!

What a draining time!  Imagine how much energy that took from me, living in that kind of fear at every turn, waking up before my kids to make sure I killed or got rid of any roaches that had found their way into our house in the middle of the night.  Wow is right!

But here's the "So What" and how that almost therapy-inducing irrationality can benefit BOTH of us now that I'm no longer living there.  WHAT IS YOUR BUG?  What is your cockroach, your black widow spider? 

Is there a corner (or a table) that you walk past every single day that drives you CRAZY every time you do?  How much time, energy, and thoughts do you give to that silly table/corner?  CLEAN it and be done with it. Redirect that energy to something that is going to DO something for you and HELP you create the life of your dreams.

Is there a person in your life who always drains you and pulls you down? That person that every time they come over or call, you just get tied in knots inside and then feel all sorts of guilty afterwards?  Take care of that. Take control of that relationship and fix whatever is off . . . or simply get rid of it all together . . . so you can give all that NEGATIVE energy to yourself, your children, your spouse, your home, etc.

Is there one thing you think every single day, "Oh, man! I still didn't get around to _______ today"? Do it FIRST today!  If it's exercising, calling someone you have been thinking about, taking time out for yourself to build your relationship with your Maker, or even just sit down on the sofa and do nothing with your spouse after a busy week.  DO IT today!  Don't let it be your negative energy any longer.  When you end a day strong, you start the next day even stronger.

Today is about YOU!  It's about deliberately CREATING the life and the person and the family of your dreams.  Get rid of the CLUTTER BUGS of your life, and fill your life with the positive energy that you'll have when you feel EMPOWERED by the control you have over them!!! And then turn around and use that energy to CREATE something WORTH holding a place in your life.

Have You REALLY Got a Dream?

I just had the amazing opportunity of attending a weekend conference that was ALL ABOUT empowering the Woman Entrepreneur.  There were so many amazingly inspirational people there - people who were donating their precious time and talents to devote themselves to us - women with a dream that this world can be a better place for ourselves, for our families, for our neighbors, for everyone.  And women who turn that dream into a passion with a plan of action. Well, spending a lot of time with such women is a very moving, very powerful thing!

But as the event drew to a close, I suddenly had that feeling that I had about two seconds before I was going to burst into tears and had better head for a sanctuary FAST!  So I did - I hid myself in a bathroom stall and cried silently for quite some time.  Then I left the room, fully composed (or so I thought), walked right up to a presenter's table, and broke down again!  It was a GREAT first impression moment, let me tell you! LOL! :-)

But really, it wasn't.  It made me feel so uncomfortable to be the center of attention in a moment of weakness and vulnerability; a moment when - to this particular person - I would have defined myself as confident, composed, a leader, even an equal; a moment that was so full of so many thoughts and feelings that I couldn't even identify or articulate what was going on with me.  Can you relate?  Have you ever been there?

As I have taken time to reflect on that these last few hours, I have realized a few things:
1) Nothing happened at that Conference to CREATE those feelings that moved me to tears.  It was all stuff I was already carrying around inside of me, things that I had not had enough exclusive time by myself to think about or even realize were lurking in the shadows. We NEED that reflection time on a consistent basis!  It's how we are wired, really, as women!  And it isn't something that anyone is going to GIVE us - we literally have to CREATE it for ourselves.

2) I. Am. Vulnerable.  And I do not like to be vulnerable.  But as I learned from Tiffany Peterson (The Lighthouse Principles) this weekend, being vulnerable - being UNCOMFORTABLE - in the pursuit of your dreams is part of the process that will lead you to be unstoppable and successful!  I need to be okay with uncomfortable to get to MY real power!  Vulnerable is not always bad.

3) I still don't know exactly what was wrong with me, but I do know that it left me feeling this overwhelming sense of being incredibly directed and incredibly lost at the same time. And now I need to clear the lost and get to the directed to find what God was trying to teach me with it all.

"So, what?" you might ask yourself if you were me and were the kind that believed all lessons are only as valuable as the action they move you to make.  "So, what?"  To be honest, I don't know yet.  But I DO know that this is a step that is going to have a very real role in helping me define, create, and LIVE my dreams!  And whatever it is that is pulling my heartstrings is a very REAL and POWERFUL part of that.  Definitely a step to lead me to defining, internalizing, and creating those dreams.

What do I hope YOU will take from this? As Rapunzel said, "Haven't any of you ever had a dream?"  I think at times as mothers, the answer is "No" far too often.  The dream is lost in the process of living -- even living IT through motherhood.  But you have to HAVE the dream before you can go and LIVE the dream!  You have to DEFINE the dream before you can go and CREATE the dream.  And you have to EMBRACE the struggles that lead up to you having it before you can go and OVERCOME the struggles and turn them to empowerment in your pursuit.  Even if your dream IS motherhood and you are already LIVING it, you have to KNOW that it is your dream to fully LIVE it as such.

Go. DEFINE your dreams!  And then definitely, definitely - Go. Live (create) your dreams!

For Every Stop . . . There IS a GO!

LIFE IS BUSY!  Isn't it?  It's like you set out to really accomplish a certain goal, and either that goal takes over and you find yourself overwhelmingly busy in the pursuit of it -- OR -- life takes over and you find yourself never quite getting around to it.

The answer is in my favorite word on this blog: DELIBERATE!  Take control of your life so it doesn't take control of you. Easier said than done at times, I know.  But as long as you consistently get back to it, you will achieve it!

Even so, there are times that life just does take over.  And it is just going to.  The stroller wheel is going to snap off while you're out on a family walk to get your daily exercise in.  The kids are going to experience new highs in independence that are going to leave your house (and world) turned upside down for a stage.  You spouse will have days (or weeks) at work that make it so he gets home an hour - or two or three - later than anticipated, thus throwing off all of your "plans" and "goals" to accomplish things for the day.  The perfect diet that you know is best for your body and makes you the absolute happiest - body and spirit - is going to fly out the window in the face of double-stuffed Oreos and ice cold milk.

And, let's face it, YOU are going to have times when you just SHUT DOWN because that is all you CAN do!

That is why I LOVE the simple promise of this priceless quote.  Because it is true!  Change is constant!  If you love where you are, realize that things can and probably WILL change . . . and it can and will only get better even than it is right now!  If you are struggling just getting through each day and appreciating and enjoying where you are, realize that things WILL change . . . this is only temporary.  Every stop is followed by a go.  And, if you are like me, the go will feel like a newfound freedom, and you will RUN, unstoppable, when you can again.  However long temporary may last, it will not last forever!

So how do you get through the hard times?
1) Keep your chin up.  This too shall pass and, though it will be a part of who you are, in most cases it will not DEFINE who you are.
2) Keep focused on your goals and vision of the joyous things in your life and the glorious dreams ahead of you.
3) Offer gratitude every day so you don't get lost in it.
4) Ask for help where you can.  Don't try to tackle everything on your own, particularly when you are already struggling.
5) Learn to identify and let go of the things that really don't matter - no matter what anyone ELSE may say.
6) Even in the craziest moments, find someone else who needs you and do something for them . . . even if it's something that you cannot make happen for yourself but desperately want to have (perhaps ESPECIALLY if it's something you cannot make happen for yourself but desperately want to have).
7) Force yourself to keep moving in the direction you want to go - even if it is just with ONE thing. Don't let hard times become quicksand.  Pull yourself out and keep moving FORWARD!

EnJOY the Walk

Have you ever been on a hike - or driving to a new place - and felt like it took FOR-E-VER to reach your destination; but then, on the trip back, it seemed to go SO MUCH FASTER?!?!?  I have! ALL. THE. TIME.  Why?  Because the anxiety of the unknown in front of you is so consuming.  But when you come back, that anxiety is gone.  You are headed to something familiar.

The problem is in the post-trip experience.  How often do you remember the markers you passed on the way?  What feelings and smells and sounds and images come to mind when you think of the trip into that destination point?  For me, a lot gets lost in the anxiety of the unknown road ahead and wanting to just get there, just BE there, not wondering how much further or what obstacles (traffic jams, road construction, T's in the road that could take me the wrong direction, nightfall) I will face in the process.
 
Today I read a friend's post on Facebook about how her little boy just said his first two-word sentence.  It not only made me smile, but it reminded me of so many days when I find myself mentioning to my husband a connection one of the kids made that really impressed me or taught me something about what they think about.  Or I find myself telling him about how much they have changed in just a few weeks in really BIG ways, ways that you might miss if you weren't watching, listening, tuning into their "childspeak," and really just PAYING ATTENTION.

And it also reminded me of how many days I went the entire day without noticing a thing, ANXIOUS to just get through it.

On "My Fair Lady," Freddy sings, "I have often walked down your street before, but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before. All at once am I several stories high, knowing I'm on the street where YOU live!" How often we walk the exact same street . . . every. single. day. No variation. No new horizon. No curves to have anxiety about, or maybe so many curves that all we feel at times is anxiety. :-)  

But for each of us, that daily road can take on new meaning as we remember what is happening along it, just as Freddy did.  ANY "street" at any time can be the street of your dreams, given the right perspective.

Be the road ahead uncertain or be it familiar -- be it a trail through the forest, a country road, a city road, the mall, the road leading to work, the road to the park, or wherever else your feet may lead you -- there are millions of things to see and discover and enJOY along the way.

And the roads of a child's life, a child's mind, a child's experiences, and a child's memories are even more amazing.

But both require you to stop. Quiet the anxiety. Look up instead of down at your feet.  See the straight road that leads to the curve and not just the curve that lies ominously ahead of you or the pebbles and cracks you are worried about stumbling over along the journey.

And ENJOY the WALK!

The Small Things

I haven't decided what theme I am going to give Thursdays yet.  I have a few ideas in mind, but I haven't nailed this one down yet.  HOWEVER, today is Thankful Thursday! Oh the power of thank you.  Such small words.  Such easy words.  Such life-changing, relationship-building, faith-instilling, gratifying words.  When was the last time you said them?  Are there thank-yous left unsaid in your life or heart right now?  So what if it was something that happened a month ago (or two or three or four or a few years)?  Does it come to your mind - to your heart?  Does it bring a smile to your face?  Do you find yourself remembering that your life was changed or improved or influenced when so-and-so said or did such-and-such or allowed you to say or do such-and-such?  Cuz my heart has been remembering lately.  And I find myself in need of saying a lot of over-due, unspoken thank yous.

So I challenge you today to take 15 minutes and just say thank you - to God, to your mother, to your spouse, to your children, to your boss, to your family, to your friends, to whoever is on your mind or comes to your mind when you think of saying thank you.  Just DO IT!  It will be 15 minutes WELL SPENT, and it will be sure to change your life (and probably a few other people's in the process).

Put Your Heart In It

One of the things I have been thinking about this morning is the choice to be a mother.  There are so many things out there that you COULD be doing, and doing very well at that.  There are personal dreams you never realized, career goals and personal goals you have seen put on the backburner time and time again.  There are welcome distractions you walk away from to walk towards your children and your home and your family.  The lists of sacrifices are endless, if you really think about them.  And I think there is a natural man tendency, if you will, TO think about them. 

But there is a greater tendency inside of us if we tap into it: that of having, living, breathing, creating, and loving your best job: Motherhood.  Think about what it means to have a Mother Heart, as I like to call it.  If you were being paid by someone to do your dream job, what would you be putting into that dream job to feel and be and be perceived as successful at it?  What would set you apart from the other employees that would make your boss leave you there, give you promotions, give you raises, etc.?  Now apply that to motherhood.  If Heavenly Father were your boss (and He is, so that's not really a hypothetical) - but if He were paying you in a two-week salary in the same way that your spouse gets a paycheck for his job, what would He expect from you in order to deem you worthy to have your job?  Take it a step further -- what would you need to do with that job in order to get raises and promotions?  Do you give that same attention and honest effort and focus to your children and your home that you would give to your dream job?

The MOST wonderful role in this world is that of mother and father.  And in the world today, the most stressed and fractured and questioned role is ironically that of mother and father -- particularly mother.  The world throws so many things in our faces to pull on our heartstrings and distract us from what is important, what is essential.  Our hearts are tested every day in our decisions.  Where you spend your time is where your heart is.  And there is where your reward will be also. 

My challenge for all of us today is to take 15 Mommy minutes to contemplate your role as a mother.  What are the things you love the MOST about that role?  What is the vision you have of fulfilling and consecrating yourself as a mother?  Where do you spend your time in creating and becoming that person?  Make today the first day of the rest of your best job's journey: Being a mother, with a Mother Heart, and Loving it!

Just a Thought

My uncle shared this thought with me in an e-mail, and I thought it was very appropriate to motivate us to move forward and become the women (and men) of our dreams.

No limits are set to the ascent of man, and to each and every one the highest stands open. Here it is only your personal choice that decides. (Martin Buber)

You can do anything you put your mind to! Don't doubt it! You have within you all the qualities you need to be successful at anything you desire. All you need to do is want it badly enough, believe it strongly enough, ask for help when you might forget it (that's why we're here), and then work for it. One step at a time, YOU WILL SUCCEED!

Well, this is the last post for this week. So how are you doing? Are you sleeping? Did you exercise at least one time yet? Have you tried the hummus recipe? Have you tried any of the exercises Mike suggested for the days when all you have are five minutes? Have you set some realistic goals for yourself, looking at what you are willing to give up and what you are actually going to sustain BEYOND WEIGHT LOSS? Write a note and let me know what you think.

I must admit that this has not been my week for sleeping! I guess I should have put that down as the week's goal on a week when it wasn't Spring Break and I didn't have my husband home and a huge list of things we want to get done with this time. But we are already re-evaluating our life choices and looking at what we need to do TO BE IN BED EARLY and ARISE EARLY each day. And to HELP EACH OTHER HAVE TIME TO EXERCISE and GIVE OUR BODIES A CHANCE to be healthy and strong.

Until next week!

Habit, Habit, Habit

When I was getting my M.A., I studied and read a lot about habit formation. It's an intriguing process and interesting to see how our minds and bodies form and cling to habits.

As we are looking at "weight loss" and building healthy habits for ourselves and generations to come, I think habit is a key part of what will be our success.

It is a common tendency to start a diet by thinking about what you CAN'T EAT and what you HAVE TO LIMIT. However, that isn't really practical and will not lead to lasting results. If, for example, you say that you are not going to eat anything sweet until you lose all of your weight, you need to be prepared to not eat anything sweet for the rest of your life. If you say you are going to eat just 1200 calories a day until you lose your weight, you are -- once again -- setting yourself up to only be able to eat 1200 calories a day for the rest of your life. Why? Let me explain some of the things I have been learning that lead me to these conclusions.

1) Our bodies have fat cells. Though I plan on writing an entire blog on what I am learning about fat cells, the gist is this: At the conference I attended, I heard that there are three times in a woman's life when those fat cells DOUBLE: puberty, pregnancy, and menopause. Once a fat cell is formed, IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY (unless you have surgery to remove it, which doesn't really appeal or apply to us here). HOWEVER, though you cannot get rid of a fat cell, you can PROGRAM YOUR FAT CELLS to be thin or fat. That's funny, isn't it? Have you ever thought of a THIN fat cell? Well, look around you. There are people around you -- somewhere in your family or among your roommates from college or whatever -- who have lost weight and been able to keep their fat cells thin.

Once you have fat cells in your body, you cannot get rid of them; so they will always have at least a little bit of fat in them because they are, indeed, FAT CELLS. HOWEVER, do not despair! Everyone can program their fat cells to be thin or to be fat. But IT TAKES TIME for these things to happen. That's why they tell you to exercise during pregnancy -- to keep your fat cells as THIN as possible or, better yet, to keep your body from creating extra fat cells. SO -- we are NOT JUST LOSING WEIGHT; we are REPROGRAMMING FAT CELLS to be THIN FAT CELLS instead of FAT FAT CELLS and preparing our bodies to NOT form additional fat cells during periods when we cannot help but put on a lot of excess weight (like pregnancy). And that tells me that whatever you do to reprogram them is what you are going to have to do to keep them thin.

#2) My nutrition friend from the seminar I attended said that one of the #1 mistakes women make in this country is that they UNDEREAT. Can that be possible? With obesity on the rise, is it possible that women really under-eat? YES. And, believe it or not, CALORIES ARE GOOD -- CALORIES ARE OUR FRIENDS. Calories are what give our bodies fuel to function every day, fuel to get through the days and nights, to keep our blood pumping and our brain working and our muscles moving, etc. So, if you cut out calories that YOUR BODY NEEDS TO FUNCTION and maintain itself, you are slowly destroying your body.

So how many calories does the average woman need? 1800-2200 a day! Seriously, folks! That is how many we should be eating a day -- fat, fit, and everything in between. It doesn't matter. If you are going to DRASTICALLY CUT CALORIES, you are eventually going to throw your body into survival mode where it feels it needs to horde all of the calories it is getting out of fear that at some point, you are going to stop feeding it altogether and it's going to have to be able to sustain itself. Is that a message you want to send your body when you are trying to LOSE WEIGHT and MAINTAIN A HEALTHY WEIGHT AND LIFESTLYE? No-o-o-o-o! Besides which, if you do take away from your body the calories that it needs to sustain itself, when you stop dieting and stop eating those 1200 calories a day because you are right where you need to be, YOU ARE GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT.


SO ---- THUS WE SEE FROM ALL OF THIS that when we are talking about losing weight and being HEALTHY, we need to use wisdom and do it correctly: SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE!!! Thank you, Mr. Turtle and Mr. Hare, for that great lesson!

As you sit down now and think about what goals you want to set for yourself and how you are going to walk this journey to a healthier, fitter, and slimmer YOU, think about what you are going to CHANGE -- FOREVER -- and decide what you are willing to give up and what you are not.

I AM NOT WILLING TO GIVE UP SWEETS for the rest of my life! So, as I'm losing weight I need to learn to be moderate in my intake of sweets so that I can still eat them and enjoy them without feeling attached to them or having withdrawals from NOT getting enough.

On the other hand, I could just tell myself I'm diabetic and then give them up completely! WRONG!!! No way - my mind knows I'm NOT diabetic; my body knows I'm NOT diabetic, and they are the only things that matter in MY weight loss. So -- sweets are IN -- in moderation!