The Love Box

My good friend posted this thought, "Marriage Box" on her wall this morning.  And it was such a perfect lead into some of the thoughts and feelings that have been flooding my heart these last few days that I felt it was inspired and time to try to put them on paper.

First - read it. Important foundation.  Did you do it?  So good, isn't it?

This led me to think about my relationship with my husband, which naturally led me to think about my relationship with my children. 

My son is 3 months old.  When I look at his face, stare into his beautiful deep-blue eyes, do you know what I see?  Acceptance.  Pure love. Love that transcends anything and everything, that buoys you up through any hard day, any trial, any struggle, any tears that may be falling from my eyes and heartache that may be happening in my world.  There is no judgment in his eyes.  I see the way he looks at me and feel cherished.  I feel adored.  I feel like I am the most beautiful person in the world and there is nothing he would rather be doing than staring lovingly into my eyes and laying happily in my arms.

After shedding a few thousand tears as these thoughts washed over me, I realized that those things are EXACTLY what he gets when he stares into MY eyes, when he looks into MY face, when he feels the warmth of MY smile.  Because babies only know what they see in front of them, only know what they have been given.  So I must be giving him what he is giving me, teaching him what he is teaching me. He must look into my eyes and see my love for him, my acceptance of him, my adoration for him, that he is the most precious, beautiful thing in the world to me.

I then looked at my three other children, some days while they were fighting, yelling, ignoring me, making huge messes; and some days while they were playing peacefully together, making me smile with every sentence, pulling my heartstrings with their love, hugs, kisses, "I love you, Mommy" actions and words.  And I was appalled to think that there are moments when they DON'T get from me what my baby does.  Times when they DON'T look in my eyes/face and see and feel all of those beautiful things that he does.  Moments when they receive from me the exact thing I am frustrated with receiving from them.

Does that resonate with you at all?  I know Moms are human, and we CANNOT be "on" all the time!  We are going to make bad choices right along with our children.  We are learning motherhood in WAVES instead of trickles. 

But motherhood is also a box.  Our relationships with our children are also a box.  If we are doing it right, we are putting love in our relationships with our children.  We are putting more love in our children than frustration.  We are putting communication, forgiveness, prayer, priority.  They learn it all first-hand through us.  And because we aren't perfect, they learn forgiveness, humility, persistence, dedication, repentance.  They also learn the art and habits of giving, loving, serving, praising, keeping the box full by constantly contributing TO it. 

On the other hand, if they learn to take more than they put in, they are also learning to live in an empty box. 

There are a lot of empty boxes in this world.  But I truly believe that if our children leave our homes with full boxes, leave full boxes behind them in the relationships they had while at home, our children will create a world of FULL boxes.  They won't know how to do any different!

Truly the hand that rocks the cradle IS the hand that rules the world.  And parenthood is the key that will give this world a lot more FULL boxes!

So that, my friends, is my Deliberate Mom goal for this week.  Fill my children's boxes to overflowing.

We Don't Do Yelling

Photo from SheKnows.com

One of my friends recently posted that her little 2-year-old heard her yelling at her son, came in the room covering her ears and said, "No, Mommy!  We no do yelling!"  It was a reminder to her of what she had told those little 2-year-old twins to keep the noise level down in their home.

But for me, it was a game-changer.  See, we've become a little too prone to "yelling" around here.  Though I didn't notice it in myself, I definitely have started to notice it in my children - as they yell angrily at each other to stop, to give it back, to leave them alone, etc.  So yesterday we had a little discussion and talked about our family goal for the week: No yelling!  I explained to my children that, "In our family, we don't do yelling!  We do communicating!"  I told the kids that this meant I would correct them when they yell, I would tell them, "In our family, we don't do yelling!  We do communicating!"  I also told them there would be days when Mommy would need THEM to remind me, that if I started yelling, they would stop me and remind me that, "In our family, we don't do yelling!  We do communicating!"

I know this isn't going to change thing overnight, but I also know it's a very good first step!

What other family declarations do you have?  How have you helped your children (and yourself) correct a bad behavior before it became a defining habit?

Communicating with My Kids

One of my goals this year is to start each day with my "Power Hour" - 20 minutes of meditation, 20 minutes of fitness, 20 minutes to learn something new.  As I thought about what kinds of "learn something new" things I wanted to focus on, I instantly knew that I needed to find a new way to communicate with my head-strong kids NOW so that - when they get older - we have that solid foundation of love, openness, and respect to lead us through the teenage years.

I went to Amazon and found this book - highly recommended and rated: Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children.  I was looking into How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk and Talk So Your Kid Will Listen, but this one was in the comments/reviews as more thorough/hands-on, so I decided to start with it and see where it leads.

What are some of your favorite parenting books?  I'd love some suggestions for future Power Hour Learning Topics!

Creating a Love Affair - With Yourself!!!

From Voicesofglass.com

I love this from Tiffany Peterson - one of my favorite professional development coaches out there!!!  Today's tip is for YOU, MOM -- Yes, YOU!!!  Trust me!!!  The best thing about DOING these things: when your children leave home, these habits will be natural for them; they won't even have to THINK about it - they'll just expect it for themselves and from the world.  Imagine a world full of children like THAT! I'm smiling just THINKING about it! ;-)

Your self esteem is like your set of fingerprints - they're on everything you touch: your bank account, your relationships, your health, you name it. It has a direct influence to how we show up in life and the results we're creating - or sabotaging.

The good news? You can build your confidence & self esteem like any other muscle to make it stronger and healthier in your life. You also can go to work on you, which in turn will go to work on everything in your life.

Consider this - do you treat yourself like a top priority in your life? Do you cheer yourself on or tear yourself down? Do you put everyone else first and yourself last, or not at all?

Quick Inventory: Where would you rate your current level of self esteem?

Now, ask yourself, what's one thing I can do to improve it? Begin doing it immediately! Part of building great self esteem is trusting ourselves and taking action on what our heart or intuition guides us to do.

This topic is deep and broad and we could literally do a 3 day workshop just on self esteem together. To help you get started on a path to enhancing your self esteem and therefore your life, consider these few insights to support you:

1.    Trust. Self confidence comes from having a deep sense of trust within ourselves. Do you trust yourself? If no, can you forgive yourself and commit to repairing trust within you? Stephen Covey teaches that the fastest way to build trust with ourselves and others is "to make and keep commitments"...whereas the opposite is also true. Every time we make and break commitments, we erode trust. Tighten up your word with yourself so you feel confident that you're in integrity with the boss - you!

2.    Self Care. Do you take time to exercise, get good sleep, pray or meditate - or any other activity that helps your physical and emotional well being? Do you make time for you? If not, begin with 15 minutes per day to start investing in you. This simple practice will add up to a big deal.

3.    Date Yourself. (I loved typing that by the way!) What I call a "Joy List", choose to do at least one thing a week that is just for you - a massage, a game of golf, hiking, baking your favorite treat - whatever brings you joy on any level, free to expensive, that brings you a sense of joy to your life. Ideally you do something daily or multiple times a week, but at least begin with one a week. You are responsible for your happiness - so go create it!

When our BEHAVIOR backs up the BELIEF that we're valuable and deserving, amazing things happen. Affirmations without action are simply "make believe." If your behavior doesn't align with the belief that you're fabulous, worthy, valuable, etc. then you'll struggle to really believe it and live it.

Deliberate Mom Assignment:

Create your own joy list - whether on a note pad, your laptop, or smart phone - begin adding things to it as you go that bring you joy - and then do them! Begin this week with doing at least one thing for yourself that brings you joy.

Whether you start small or go big, make yourself and your self esteem a top priority in your life.  You'll not only feel better, but you'll also attract better results to you.

The Secret

photo from cnn,com

"What day is it today?" asked my 4-yr-old daughter as soon as she got out of bed.  "Is it Sunday? Saturday? Thursday?"  She found out it was Friday and leaped for joy as she ran down the stairs to excitedly tell her daddy that it was Friday, the day they were going to do "the secret."

Earlier in the week during prayer, this little girl had excitedly told me that she and Daddy had a secret.  And she told me that she couldn't say what it was and then proceeded to say thank you in her prayer for "the secret."  I cannot express how impressed I was with her for keeping it, too.  Even "I" had NO IDEA what the secret was - nor did I remember it even existed.

So when she woke up ecstatic this morning, I was very curious.  I didn't have to wait long to be told by my excited little girl that she and Daddy were going to make VERY SPECIAL NECKLACES with VERY SPECIAL BEADS today.

Now in all fairness, I woke up this morning with some excitement as well!  All I wanted to do was drive around and look at my list of potential houses to buy in the area.  I had researched them, plotted them out, narrowed them down, etc.  So when I woke up, I also ran downstairs excitedly to tell Daddy about MY PLAN for the day!

My daughter, usually my sidekick in looking at and dreaming about houses, told me she didn't want to go and look at houses with me today - that we could do it tomorrow - because today was the day for putting together VERY SPECIAL NECKLACES with Daddy.

Guess what?  Changing the oil in the car, an unplanned business call, an extra hungry baby with a few unplanned blowouts and baths, some turkey soup to take to a friend who had a baby, grocery shopping for the week, a wrong turn detour, and a few e-mails later . . . it was dark. And we couldn't see the houses I wanted to see.

I. Was. Upset.  Annoyed, frustrated, a little angry, and ultimately heartbroken.

But that was NOTHING compared to a little girl who realized as the sun went down that the day was over . . . and she had NOT gotten to have a special day or make her special necklace with Daddy and his special beads.

As she sobbed in the back seat, my first inclination was to be stern and get her to stop crying.  I mean, I was aggitated about my plans that had fallen through that day; I was in NO MOOD for a sobbing child in the closed confines of our car.

But it suddenly occurred to me that SHE was more upset by her plans falling through than I was.  She was heartbroken.

Once home, she broke down again - sobbing uncontrollably.  It was then that Daddy told me he had told her earlier in the week that on FRIDAY they were going to make special necklaces with special beads.  The dots connected; the light of understanding turned on.  As I headed upstairs to change a diaper, I heard her sobbing quietly in her room and mumbling under her breath about not getting to do her special project with Daddy.

It was at that moment that I realized that she needed to be understood.  She needed a hug.  She needed to feel validated in her feelings.  She needed to know it was okay to be heartbroken and cry.  She needed to know I understood the value of very special things and time with Daddy.  And she needed to understood that I "got" her - that I knew she was a person and not just a child!

I called her into my room and gave her a HUGE hug and said, "I am so sorry that you didn't get to do your necklaces today with Daddy."

She stopped crying, hugged me back, and said, "Thank you, Mommy!  I really wanted to do that all day.  Do you think we can do them tomorrow? Can we make tomorrow a day full of ALL the special things?"  Of course my answer was yes - and I may or may not have been near tears myself as her excited face and shining eyes and forgiving heart shone up at me.

I think sometimes we get lost in "parenting" our children.  We are teaching them, making them food, disciplining them (sometimes too much of that, huh?), correcting them, cleaning up after them, trying to get them to clean up after themselves, running here and there, telling them to be patient as we try to keep up with the constant demands, etc.  Sometimes in the midst of all of that, we forget they are just people like us.  They understand a lot more than we give them credit for.  They may be little, but that doesn't give them a lesser place of importance, a smaller voice in our home.

If we will just love them, respect them, understand them, validate them, include them, give them a role, and listen to them, we'll find that more frequently than we realized, they are the teachers; we are the students. But mostly, we really aren't that different.

My deliberate mothering goal is to give my children more of a voice in planning our days, in making decisions and setting goals, in choosing consequences for decisions, in creating a healthy menu that they will enjoy, etc.

Any tips and insight would definitely be welcome.

Healthy in NO TIME!

Quinoa-Stuffed Peppers from JillianMichaels.com

I just LOVE a nice, warm, healthy meal.  But I don't always (or ever lately) have time to start from scratch when I FINALLY have time to start from scratch!  Today I wanted to share a few of our favorite, healthy go-to meals and a link to some yummy-looking freezer meals you can prepare once a month and have when you NEED them!

As a general rule of thumb, we avoid ALL processed and white-flour carbohydrates.  We also try to avoid gluten/limit it to one meal a day/five days a week (including lunches).

Also - when looking at the ingredient list, you want to recognize all of the ingredients, and avoid anything that has sugar - in any form (including corn syrups of any kind) - in the first five ingredients. 

We also follow the MyPlate.Gov guidelines for portion sizes and prepare our food - even freezer meals - in correct portions.

If you have a favorite/go-to meal that is healthy and delicious, please message me!

Here's the link to some good options -- tweak a few of the ingredients for the above guidelines; but otherwise really healthy options!

Avocado Hummus:
Directions: Simply add the following to your food processor:
- 1 can of white beans, drained and rinsed
- 1 avocado, cubed
- Juice from 1/2 of a lime
- 1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon of olive oil
- 1/2 teaspoon sea salt -1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper or powered chipolte

Blend until smooth....Serve with veggies - peppers, carrots, celery, etc.!!!

Coconut Chicken and Lemon-Broccoli:
I made this last night, and it was SOOOO good!

Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees. Pan grill 2-4 chicken breasts until the crust outside is golden brown but not fully cooked through. In a separate bowl, mix 1/2 cup unsweetened coconut, 1 TBSP coconut oil or REAL butter (not margarine), and 2 minced garlic cloves, and microwave until oil/butter is melted. After Chicken is done on the stove top, pile your coconut mixture on top and then put in oven for 10-15 minutes or until coconut mixture has browned, but careful not to burn.

Steam broccoli and then add some lemon zest, lemon juice, olive oil and S&P.

This dish goes so great together and is really tasty!

Homemade Peanut Butter:
So here's how I make homemade peanut butter if you love having 1-2 Tbsp as a snack with celery like I do! You can buy "natural" peanut butter at the store like Adam's, but I prefer making it myself because I use coconut oil! So dang delish and healthy. You will need a high powered blender (we have a Blendtec).

Ingredients:
dry roasted/non-salted peanuts
unrefined/cold pressed coconut oil

How to:
Melt about 1/2 cup of coconut oil in the microwave and pour a tiny bit into the blender. Add about 1 cup of peanuts and gradually go back and forth with small amounts of coconut oil/1 cup peanuts until a smooth consistency. Don't pour tons of peanuts in there at once because it won't blend! You can add salt in the end, but we like it without since it has such a nice flavor. I use about 4-5 cups peanuts to 1/2 cup coconut oil--it just depends so go with the flow:)

Black Bean Salad:
Cook some ground turkey with a can of black beans (including the juice). Season it with Lemon Pepper Salt, Minced Onions, and a handful of flax meal. Serve over a bed of lettuce/spinach, no salad dressing needed because of the juice from the beans.
Melinda Added: A Black Bean salad like this also makes an amazing Southwest Salad when made with some taco seasoning cooked in with the turkey and some tomatoes, finely-diced cilantro, and cucumbers mixed in with the lettuce/spinach.

Curry Seasoned Chicken Breast:
Place the chicken breasts into a glass dish and sprinkle Curry and Seasoning Salt on them (make sure it's organic/doesn't have sugar in the first five ingredients or MSG's added). Cook in cooking spray, olive oil, coconut oil or just broil in the oven. Cut them up into strips for future easy-access protein. Serve with steamed brown rice, baked sweet potatoes, or quinoa. YUM! 

Spaghetti:
Make with spaghetti squash and a low-sugar marinara sauce, serve with extra lean hamburger, grilled chicken, shrimp, or salmon.

Turkey Burgers:
2 ½ lbs of ground turkey made with 2 finely-diced onions, ¼ red and ¼ green peppers, add in 2 packages of taco seasoning, a few dashes of Worcestershire Sauce, and two eggs. Mix all ingredients together, weigh out into individual portion sizes, grill and freeze extras. It makes 10 servings and is SO GOOD! You could also make this into a meatloaf and cut it into 10 servings.

Tuna, turkey, or chicken wraps, no cheese:
You can use mayonnaise for your fat and do melts/sandwiches for your family.

Marinated Chicken:
We eat this a lot! You can buy the McCormick marinades, tenderize the chicken a bit, poke it full of holes with a fork, and marinade it. 4 days in a Ziploc in your fridge. Cook on the grill and you have the BEST, most tender chicken you have EVER had! ;-D

Beef Stir-Fry:
WinCo actually has a frozen bean mixture – white, yellow, and green beans with carrots. I buy sirloin steak at Costco in bulk and slice, season, and cook it. Then I measure out individual servings of meat in containers and set it aside. Next, I sauté some onions and the frozen bean mixture in a few servings of olive oil, add in some eggplant or zucchini or squash, season it, measure out ½ cup servings, and then add it to the cooked beef. This is great to freeze for later! Actually makes a TON and goes a LONG WAY!

White Chili:
We use lentils, celery, onions, carrots, and green chilis and cook them in a crockpot until they are tender. You can use any beans, or add chicken/turkey, but the chilis really add a lot of flavor. And we use the mild ones for our kids. Then we do just a small amount of plain yogurt/Greek yogurt to give it the creaminess you are expecting. It’s awesome!!!

Black Bean Soup:
Again, just black beans, onions, carrots, celery, seasonings – it’s awesome! Sometimes I add salsa, sometimes I don’t. Always serve with a salad.

"Lasagna":
Steam or sauté your veggies (squash, zucchini, broccoli, green beans, etc.) and layer with cottage cheese and low-sugar marinara sauce. Top with cheese and melt the cheese.  Even my kids love it!  Or you can serve it over Spaghetti Squash! Or layer sliced zucchini in place of the noodles!

No-crust Quiche/Frittata:
I don’t know the difference between the quiche and frittata, so I don’t know what you would call it. ;-D
I just made this last week. I used eggs and egg beaters together, a little water for the fluffy egg/omelet effect, and then filled it with veggies – sautéed peppers, broccoli, onions, and fresh tomatoes. We serve it with salsa.

Taco Salad:
Make a normal taco salad, just leave out the chips and the dressing and add in one serving of your low-sugar dressing when you eat it.  Or use salsa and a little ranch together - awesome!

Omelet:
Make a breakfast omelet with veggies and one serving of protein; or do eggs and turkey or canadian bacon with sauteed green and red peppers.

Chicken Fajitas:
Lots of onions with one red and one green pepper and a low-sugar Fajita Seasoning mix. Serve over a bed of shredded lettuce (any kind) and a serving of ranch.  Or - serve in whole wheat tortillas with a small dollop of sour cream. YUMMY!

Cauliflower Pizza:
 I haven't tried this, but I have seen it pinned all over Pinterest - add some meat/veggies for your topping, and you're set! Makes one 9-12in pizza – 6 slices

Crust:
2 cups shredded cauliflower
1 egg
1 cup finely shredded reduced-fat mozzarella cheese
1 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp salt

Topping:
1/2 cup piza sauce or marinara sauce
1/2 cup finely shredded mozzarella cheese
topping of choice

See Yourself CLEARLY

Mirror Mirror on the Wall Fine Art Print - Jeff Kolker

I love the innocent thought-processes of children.

My 2-yr-old, who had just finished getting her hair done, ran downstairs and said, "Look, Daddy!" Daddy told her that she was the most beautiful little girl in the whole world! My 4-yr-old said, "But Daddy, I thought I was the most beautiful!"

My husband explained that just because her sister was beautiful too didn't make her any LESS beautiful, and that she was his VERY SPECIAL girl.

She said, "But Daddy - sometimes you get mad at me, like yesterday, and give me spankings." He said that sometimes she makes bad choices, so she does get in trouble.

She looked at him and said, "But I thought I was your special girl." He said she was. She said, "But Daddy! That just doesn't make any sense!"

I love how confident she is, that she expects everyone else to see her as only the best, the greatest, and to treat her that way ALWAYS!  Sometimes I don't love it so much - but mostly I wouldn't change it for anything in the world!

I remember when she was born, looking at her and wondering how in the world anyone in her life could ever look at her and see anything BUT beauty and goodness.  I thought about the hard times she would face growing up, the cruel jokes and comments kids make, the struggles and challenges of mortality.  And I shuddered at the thought that she would EVER buy into any of the lies and believe she was anything less than the VERY best, the MOST beautiful.

In some ways, that may reflect more on my struggles than hers - and me wanting to protect her from them.  But somehow we have managed, up to this point at least, to flood her with confidence - which, to her credit, she has received with elegance and grace.

What do you see in yourself?  What comes to mind when you envision YOU?

I am reminded of a scripture passage in 1 Corinthians 13:11-12 ---
"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a [wo]man, I put away childish things.  For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."

See yourself CLEARLY today!  Not through a glass, darkly, but in full light!  See yourself as the amazing, beautiful, special, talented, dynamic person that you are! As you move towards making resolutions for the next year, include a tradition of making resolutions of CELEBRATION and GRATITUDE. Truly you deserve NOTHING less!

I Think I Can . . . And Do!

One of the things I do NOT like to hear my children say is, "Mommy - I CA-AN'T!!!" (Insert whiny-voice-you-know-all-too-well here).

To counter that (and get rid of the whine), I started to cut them off as soon as/just after they said it and say, "Uh-uh. No cant's! Say, 'I think I can, I think I can, I think I can' . . . and DO!"

The other day, and on a few other occasions, I heard my 4-year-old trying something new and saying softly under her breath, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can . . . and DO!" over and over again.  There was probably some soft singing mixed in there as well -- she's cute like that!

It really hit me how powerful our thoughts are!  How powerful the voices in your head that teach you something over and over again.  I have seen the sign all over Pinterest that your voice becomes the voice in your children's heads, so you must watch what you are telling them.  It reminds me of a song in the musical Into the Woods: "Careful the things you say, children will listen!"
I have always loved this saying:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Our thoughts are shaped by so many things - what we read, what we hear, what we listen to, who we surround ourselves with, what we say, what others say.

Control your mind . . . control your future!

Teach your children empowering thoughts!  Teach them to say, "I can! I do! I am! I will!"  Teach them to say, "I am strong! I am beautiful! I am smart! I am talented! I am fun!" and other things that affirm all they are instead of what they are not!

How will you do that?

You'll start with YOU!  You'll start by weeding your garden of all the negative, degrading, self-doubting, self-depricating thoughts that may exist in your head.  You'll start by turning, 'I can't!' into 'I think I can . . . and DO!'  You'll start by weeding your garden of any weeds that are already planted there, no matter how deep the roots.

1. Get a notebook or a piece of paper to carry around with you/have near you for a few days to a few weeks.  
2. Pay attention to your thoughts.  
3. Every time a negative thought enters your head, write it down on that paper/in that notebook.  Then write down anything associated with it - anything that led up to it, any negative memory surrounding it. How you reacted to it/projected it.
4. After a week or two of doing this - write yourself a letter of all the negatives you need to remove from your life.  Tell yourself that they have no power over you any more, that you refuse to listen to them anymore.  Tell yourself why they were there to begin with and that you are ready to be done with them.  One of my professors would call this the "Blood Essay" because it allows you to bleed out all the negative on paper - and often times it allows you to look pain square in the face and not run from it.
5. Once you have written yourself a letter, share it with someone you love/trust!  It's so important to validate - to yourself and someone important to you/trustworthy - that you have had these thoughts and feelings, that they have been very real to you in your life.  BUT that you are also DONE with them!  Choose someone constant, someone you know will never use it against you or even try to give you advice about/talk you out of feeling it.  Just someone who will let you share your emotional vomit for a minute and be done with it forever!
6. After you've validated, BURN it!  Burn that letter!  Or tear it up into a million pieces and flush it down the toilet.  Whatever it takes to permanently get rid of it as a symbol of your readiness to move forward from it.
7. Start to dream up and re-think all the wonderful things that are going to replace those thoughts in your life!

If You Could Teach Your Children 10 Things

I know we have all heard that a goal not written down doesn't exist.  I'm sure you have also heard that if you try to chase too many things at once, you end up losing them all. 

I am a list writer because it's the only way I can keep my thoughts organized and keep it together - make sure I actually get things done that I need to get done.

So when I heard this advice from Jack Canfield at a recent conference I attended, it really struck a cord in my heart.  Of all the things in the world that I could be - of all the things I would or might even want to teach my children, if I had to FOCUS in on just 10, nothing more, no cheating, no combining, just the 10 MOST IMPORTANT THINGS . . . what would they be?

At first I thought about this in terms of identifying the 10 most important things.  But lately, as I've tried to focus in on the most important things in my own life and make sure that they get done, I realized that this invitation is about more than IDENTIFYING.  It's also about ACCOMPLISHING!

You see, if I have a never-ending list of things I am always working on, I am probably never getting anything done.  When I have a focused list of a few things I am intentionally . . . deliberately . . . working on, I am CERTAIN to succeed in doing them.

Take to heart this invitation.  My husband pointed out on my twins' 4th birthday that we had already gone through about 1/5 of our time WITH them.  And our time with them only amounts to about 1/5 of their entire lives.  But what we accomplish during that 1/5 of their lives will shape them for the rest of it.  We have no time to waste with our precious charge to teach our children.

So if you get just 10 things that they will remember FOREVER and NO MATTER WHAT, what do you choose?  Write them down.  Then make them happen! 

I Like to Ride My Bicycle

Okay - this is NOT a picture of my family on a bike ride today.  In order to BE a picture of my family on a bike ride today, the man and woman would have to switch places, the woman in front would have to be 8 months pregnant, and the trailer behind would have to hold two.  THEN you would have our beautiful family bike ride today! :-)  But since I have NO WAY of capturing that on film, this is the next best thing.

We rode for probably 8 miles today.  I was SO PROUD of my twins as they took turns on the tandem bike.  Almost from the moment we left our house, my 4-y-o daughter was telling her twin brother, "Guess what?  Me and Mommy are going to BEAT you on our bike ride today!"  And that was the theme of our ride - with my 2-year-old chiming in with whomever was loudest and/or riding in the bike trailer with her when Daddy occasionally passed Mommy.

But what stood out to me the most was how GOOD it felt to be OUT together!  We weren't spending money, we weren't doing things that took a lot of prep work.  We were just out in nature, riding over the fallen Autumn leaves, past the smelly cows and beautiful horses and fields, over the bumpy bridges, down the hills, up the hills, having the BEST time together!  We laughed and reminisced.  We talked about the future and baby names.  We dreamed about living in the houses in our favorite neighborhoods along the route.  The kids chimed in and added that we were going to have horses and chickens and . . . . We just truly ENJOYED each other!

So many people are intent on giving their kids what they never had.  My husband and I realized today that we are no different . . . and today, we gave our children something we didn't have much growing up and would have LOVED more of.  Then I started to think about ALL the things we gave them today:

• We gave them a family outing that got us all some GREAT exercise (without the word exercise ever coming up in our minds or theirs)!  
• We gave them a family tradition of spending time together that doesn't cost money.  
• We passed onto them our family value of appreciating,enjoying, and meditating in nature. 
• We left our cell phones home and gave them the example of getting unplugged for family - that THEY are absolutely the MOST important things to us.  
• We gave them a MEMORY that they will never forget . . . and will be such a part of them that they really won't remember when it started.

Some things really are - above everything else - simply about TIME!

Have You REALLY Got a Dream?

I just had the amazing opportunity of attending a weekend conference that was ALL ABOUT empowering the Woman Entrepreneur.  There were so many amazingly inspirational people there - people who were donating their precious time and talents to devote themselves to us - women with a dream that this world can be a better place for ourselves, for our families, for our neighbors, for everyone.  And women who turn that dream into a passion with a plan of action. Well, spending a lot of time with such women is a very moving, very powerful thing!

But as the event drew to a close, I suddenly had that feeling that I had about two seconds before I was going to burst into tears and had better head for a sanctuary FAST!  So I did - I hid myself in a bathroom stall and cried silently for quite some time.  Then I left the room, fully composed (or so I thought), walked right up to a presenter's table, and broke down again!  It was a GREAT first impression moment, let me tell you! LOL! :-)

But really, it wasn't.  It made me feel so uncomfortable to be the center of attention in a moment of weakness and vulnerability; a moment when - to this particular person - I would have defined myself as confident, composed, a leader, even an equal; a moment that was so full of so many thoughts and feelings that I couldn't even identify or articulate what was going on with me.  Can you relate?  Have you ever been there?

As I have taken time to reflect on that these last few hours, I have realized a few things:
1) Nothing happened at that Conference to CREATE those feelings that moved me to tears.  It was all stuff I was already carrying around inside of me, things that I had not had enough exclusive time by myself to think about or even realize were lurking in the shadows. We NEED that reflection time on a consistent basis!  It's how we are wired, really, as women!  And it isn't something that anyone is going to GIVE us - we literally have to CREATE it for ourselves.

2) I. Am. Vulnerable.  And I do not like to be vulnerable.  But as I learned from Tiffany Peterson (The Lighthouse Principles) this weekend, being vulnerable - being UNCOMFORTABLE - in the pursuit of your dreams is part of the process that will lead you to be unstoppable and successful!  I need to be okay with uncomfortable to get to MY real power!  Vulnerable is not always bad.

3) I still don't know exactly what was wrong with me, but I do know that it left me feeling this overwhelming sense of being incredibly directed and incredibly lost at the same time. And now I need to clear the lost and get to the directed to find what God was trying to teach me with it all.

"So, what?" you might ask yourself if you were me and were the kind that believed all lessons are only as valuable as the action they move you to make.  "So, what?"  To be honest, I don't know yet.  But I DO know that this is a step that is going to have a very real role in helping me define, create, and LIVE my dreams!  And whatever it is that is pulling my heartstrings is a very REAL and POWERFUL part of that.  Definitely a step to lead me to defining, internalizing, and creating those dreams.

What do I hope YOU will take from this? As Rapunzel said, "Haven't any of you ever had a dream?"  I think at times as mothers, the answer is "No" far too often.  The dream is lost in the process of living -- even living IT through motherhood.  But you have to HAVE the dream before you can go and LIVE the dream!  You have to DEFINE the dream before you can go and CREATE the dream.  And you have to EMBRACE the struggles that lead up to you having it before you can go and OVERCOME the struggles and turn them to empowerment in your pursuit.  Even if your dream IS motherhood and you are already LIVING it, you have to KNOW that it is your dream to fully LIVE it as such.

Go. DEFINE your dreams!  And then definitely, definitely - Go. Live (create) your dreams!

Embracing The University of Life

I remember attending a devotional my first year of college.  I don't remember who the Keynote speaker was, but I do remember that they invited his wife to speak right before him.
She was a tall, thin, very elegant, well-put-together lady.  As she spoke, she shared what she had studied in college, how they had met, that she had stayed home with their children, and then moved onto things she admired and appreciated in the man we were about to hear from.

One thing really impressed me . . . and stayed with me for years.  She said that she appreciated that "Bob" would come home at night and take the time to sit and visit with her about the news, what was happening in the world, what he had seen or learned that day, etc.  Because in her world, she had one channel and one language: Kid Speak.  She didn't have time to open the paper or turn on the news.  And she hated not being informed and having more intelligent thoughts and conversations each day that revolved around topics other than laundry, meals, daily arguments and disagreements, and whether or not her child would allow her to change his diaper.  I took a mental note that I would marry a man who would do the same for me. 

HOWEVER, I have since learned that it isn't enough for me to rely on what he brings home to me.  Our interests are so different that we both grow so much when we are both "bringing home" something interesting to talk about.  And no matter how hard he tries, I will never be interested in the intricacies of electronic warfare.  And no matter how hard I try, he will never embrace with childish delight any and all information on nutrition and health that I try to get him excited about.

But I also get that it isn't easy!  My life really does revolve in so many ways around "Kid Speak."  I served a mission in Chile. For years after I came home, I often spoke and interacted with Spanish-speakers and even taught in the Spanish language.  Then I had my twins.  And people with whom I had previously been able to converse with ease in the Spanish language started to tell me that I needed to keep up with it.  I needed to do this or say this or try to practice in this way.  And though I graciously thanked them, what I was really thinking inside was, "Friend - I appreciate the suggestion. But today I am feeling lucky to think and speak coherent thoughts in ENGLISH.  Keeping up my Spanish is the LEAST of my worries!"  And since I have an M.A. in English, that realization alone is also a punch in the stomach at times!  LOL!

Still, we HAVE to remember that our minds are incredible things!  But they are not stagnant things and can so easily turn to mush if we let them.  We CANNOT let them.

A great man once said that he would rather educate a daughter than a son.  Women, mothers, are the heart of the home, the Angels of the Hearth.  And what we have within us is what our children will glean from us.  We may get Kid Speak from them, but they are getting the words, the ideas, the attitudes, and the character BEHIND that Kid Speak from US!

My challenge to us all this week is to tap into that intelligence that is uniquely ours - to wake up our perhaps mushy brains and find something we are passionate about, something that puts the sparkle back in our eyes to talk about, and learn something about it that we didn't know before (or knew and have since forgotten).

In college, we were blessed to have a focused topic, degree, course of study, etc.  But this - THIS more important and much larger university we are studying in now - is the University of Life.  And it holds no bounds on us to restrict what we can learn, study, perfect, perform, and achieve!

So let's embrace and celebrate the revised school of learning ahead of us!  And lets make it a focused part of our lives TODAY!

EnJOY the Walk

Have you ever been on a hike - or driving to a new place - and felt like it took FOR-E-VER to reach your destination; but then, on the trip back, it seemed to go SO MUCH FASTER?!?!?  I have! ALL. THE. TIME.  Why?  Because the anxiety of the unknown in front of you is so consuming.  But when you come back, that anxiety is gone.  You are headed to something familiar.

The problem is in the post-trip experience.  How often do you remember the markers you passed on the way?  What feelings and smells and sounds and images come to mind when you think of the trip into that destination point?  For me, a lot gets lost in the anxiety of the unknown road ahead and wanting to just get there, just BE there, not wondering how much further or what obstacles (traffic jams, road construction, T's in the road that could take me the wrong direction, nightfall) I will face in the process.
 
Today I read a friend's post on Facebook about how her little boy just said his first two-word sentence.  It not only made me smile, but it reminded me of so many days when I find myself mentioning to my husband a connection one of the kids made that really impressed me or taught me something about what they think about.  Or I find myself telling him about how much they have changed in just a few weeks in really BIG ways, ways that you might miss if you weren't watching, listening, tuning into their "childspeak," and really just PAYING ATTENTION.

And it also reminded me of how many days I went the entire day without noticing a thing, ANXIOUS to just get through it.

On "My Fair Lady," Freddy sings, "I have often walked down your street before, but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before. All at once am I several stories high, knowing I'm on the street where YOU live!" How often we walk the exact same street . . . every. single. day. No variation. No new horizon. No curves to have anxiety about, or maybe so many curves that all we feel at times is anxiety. :-)  

But for each of us, that daily road can take on new meaning as we remember what is happening along it, just as Freddy did.  ANY "street" at any time can be the street of your dreams, given the right perspective.

Be the road ahead uncertain or be it familiar -- be it a trail through the forest, a country road, a city road, the mall, the road leading to work, the road to the park, or wherever else your feet may lead you -- there are millions of things to see and discover and enJOY along the way.

And the roads of a child's life, a child's mind, a child's experiences, and a child's memories are even more amazing.

But both require you to stop. Quiet the anxiety. Look up instead of down at your feet.  See the straight road that leads to the curve and not just the curve that lies ominously ahead of you or the pebbles and cracks you are worried about stumbling over along the journey.

And ENJOY the WALK!

Put Your Heart In It

One of the things I have been thinking about this morning is the choice to be a mother.  There are so many things out there that you COULD be doing, and doing very well at that.  There are personal dreams you never realized, career goals and personal goals you have seen put on the backburner time and time again.  There are welcome distractions you walk away from to walk towards your children and your home and your family.  The lists of sacrifices are endless, if you really think about them.  And I think there is a natural man tendency, if you will, TO think about them. 

But there is a greater tendency inside of us if we tap into it: that of having, living, breathing, creating, and loving your best job: Motherhood.  Think about what it means to have a Mother Heart, as I like to call it.  If you were being paid by someone to do your dream job, what would you be putting into that dream job to feel and be and be perceived as successful at it?  What would set you apart from the other employees that would make your boss leave you there, give you promotions, give you raises, etc.?  Now apply that to motherhood.  If Heavenly Father were your boss (and He is, so that's not really a hypothetical) - but if He were paying you in a two-week salary in the same way that your spouse gets a paycheck for his job, what would He expect from you in order to deem you worthy to have your job?  Take it a step further -- what would you need to do with that job in order to get raises and promotions?  Do you give that same attention and honest effort and focus to your children and your home that you would give to your dream job?

The MOST wonderful role in this world is that of mother and father.  And in the world today, the most stressed and fractured and questioned role is ironically that of mother and father -- particularly mother.  The world throws so many things in our faces to pull on our heartstrings and distract us from what is important, what is essential.  Our hearts are tested every day in our decisions.  Where you spend your time is where your heart is.  And there is where your reward will be also. 

My challenge for all of us today is to take 15 Mommy minutes to contemplate your role as a mother.  What are the things you love the MOST about that role?  What is the vision you have of fulfilling and consecrating yourself as a mother?  Where do you spend your time in creating and becoming that person?  Make today the first day of the rest of your best job's journey: Being a mother, with a Mother Heart, and Loving it!