The Love Box

My good friend posted this thought, "Marriage Box" on her wall this morning.  And it was such a perfect lead into some of the thoughts and feelings that have been flooding my heart these last few days that I felt it was inspired and time to try to put them on paper.

First - read it. Important foundation.  Did you do it?  So good, isn't it?

This led me to think about my relationship with my husband, which naturally led me to think about my relationship with my children. 

My son is 3 months old.  When I look at his face, stare into his beautiful deep-blue eyes, do you know what I see?  Acceptance.  Pure love. Love that transcends anything and everything, that buoys you up through any hard day, any trial, any struggle, any tears that may be falling from my eyes and heartache that may be happening in my world.  There is no judgment in his eyes.  I see the way he looks at me and feel cherished.  I feel adored.  I feel like I am the most beautiful person in the world and there is nothing he would rather be doing than staring lovingly into my eyes and laying happily in my arms.

After shedding a few thousand tears as these thoughts washed over me, I realized that those things are EXACTLY what he gets when he stares into MY eyes, when he looks into MY face, when he feels the warmth of MY smile.  Because babies only know what they see in front of them, only know what they have been given.  So I must be giving him what he is giving me, teaching him what he is teaching me. He must look into my eyes and see my love for him, my acceptance of him, my adoration for him, that he is the most precious, beautiful thing in the world to me.

I then looked at my three other children, some days while they were fighting, yelling, ignoring me, making huge messes; and some days while they were playing peacefully together, making me smile with every sentence, pulling my heartstrings with their love, hugs, kisses, "I love you, Mommy" actions and words.  And I was appalled to think that there are moments when they DON'T get from me what my baby does.  Times when they DON'T look in my eyes/face and see and feel all of those beautiful things that he does.  Moments when they receive from me the exact thing I am frustrated with receiving from them.

Does that resonate with you at all?  I know Moms are human, and we CANNOT be "on" all the time!  We are going to make bad choices right along with our children.  We are learning motherhood in WAVES instead of trickles. 

But motherhood is also a box.  Our relationships with our children are also a box.  If we are doing it right, we are putting love in our relationships with our children.  We are putting more love in our children than frustration.  We are putting communication, forgiveness, prayer, priority.  They learn it all first-hand through us.  And because we aren't perfect, they learn forgiveness, humility, persistence, dedication, repentance.  They also learn the art and habits of giving, loving, serving, praising, keeping the box full by constantly contributing TO it. 

On the other hand, if they learn to take more than they put in, they are also learning to live in an empty box. 

There are a lot of empty boxes in this world.  But I truly believe that if our children leave our homes with full boxes, leave full boxes behind them in the relationships they had while at home, our children will create a world of FULL boxes.  They won't know how to do any different!

Truly the hand that rocks the cradle IS the hand that rules the world.  And parenthood is the key that will give this world a lot more FULL boxes!

So that, my friends, is my Deliberate Mom goal for this week.  Fill my children's boxes to overflowing.

We Don't Do Yelling

Photo from SheKnows.com

One of my friends recently posted that her little 2-year-old heard her yelling at her son, came in the room covering her ears and said, "No, Mommy!  We no do yelling!"  It was a reminder to her of what she had told those little 2-year-old twins to keep the noise level down in their home.

But for me, it was a game-changer.  See, we've become a little too prone to "yelling" around here.  Though I didn't notice it in myself, I definitely have started to notice it in my children - as they yell angrily at each other to stop, to give it back, to leave them alone, etc.  So yesterday we had a little discussion and talked about our family goal for the week: No yelling!  I explained to my children that, "In our family, we don't do yelling!  We do communicating!"  I told the kids that this meant I would correct them when they yell, I would tell them, "In our family, we don't do yelling!  We do communicating!"  I also told them there would be days when Mommy would need THEM to remind me, that if I started yelling, they would stop me and remind me that, "In our family, we don't do yelling!  We do communicating!"

I know this isn't going to change thing overnight, but I also know it's a very good first step!

What other family declarations do you have?  How have you helped your children (and yourself) correct a bad behavior before it became a defining habit?

Communicating with My Kids

One of my goals this year is to start each day with my "Power Hour" - 20 minutes of meditation, 20 minutes of fitness, 20 minutes to learn something new.  As I thought about what kinds of "learn something new" things I wanted to focus on, I instantly knew that I needed to find a new way to communicate with my head-strong kids NOW so that - when they get older - we have that solid foundation of love, openness, and respect to lead us through the teenage years.

I went to Amazon and found this book - highly recommended and rated: Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children.  I was looking into How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk and Talk So Your Kid Will Listen, but this one was in the comments/reviews as more thorough/hands-on, so I decided to start with it and see where it leads.

What are some of your favorite parenting books?  I'd love some suggestions for future Power Hour Learning Topics!

Creating a Love Affair - With Yourself!!!

From Voicesofglass.com

I love this from Tiffany Peterson - one of my favorite professional development coaches out there!!!  Today's tip is for YOU, MOM -- Yes, YOU!!!  Trust me!!!  The best thing about DOING these things: when your children leave home, these habits will be natural for them; they won't even have to THINK about it - they'll just expect it for themselves and from the world.  Imagine a world full of children like THAT! I'm smiling just THINKING about it! ;-)

Your self esteem is like your set of fingerprints - they're on everything you touch: your bank account, your relationships, your health, you name it. It has a direct influence to how we show up in life and the results we're creating - or sabotaging.

The good news? You can build your confidence & self esteem like any other muscle to make it stronger and healthier in your life. You also can go to work on you, which in turn will go to work on everything in your life.

Consider this - do you treat yourself like a top priority in your life? Do you cheer yourself on or tear yourself down? Do you put everyone else first and yourself last, or not at all?

Quick Inventory: Where would you rate your current level of self esteem?

Now, ask yourself, what's one thing I can do to improve it? Begin doing it immediately! Part of building great self esteem is trusting ourselves and taking action on what our heart or intuition guides us to do.

This topic is deep and broad and we could literally do a 3 day workshop just on self esteem together. To help you get started on a path to enhancing your self esteem and therefore your life, consider these few insights to support you:

1.    Trust. Self confidence comes from having a deep sense of trust within ourselves. Do you trust yourself? If no, can you forgive yourself and commit to repairing trust within you? Stephen Covey teaches that the fastest way to build trust with ourselves and others is "to make and keep commitments"...whereas the opposite is also true. Every time we make and break commitments, we erode trust. Tighten up your word with yourself so you feel confident that you're in integrity with the boss - you!

2.    Self Care. Do you take time to exercise, get good sleep, pray or meditate - or any other activity that helps your physical and emotional well being? Do you make time for you? If not, begin with 15 minutes per day to start investing in you. This simple practice will add up to a big deal.

3.    Date Yourself. (I loved typing that by the way!) What I call a "Joy List", choose to do at least one thing a week that is just for you - a massage, a game of golf, hiking, baking your favorite treat - whatever brings you joy on any level, free to expensive, that brings you a sense of joy to your life. Ideally you do something daily or multiple times a week, but at least begin with one a week. You are responsible for your happiness - so go create it!

When our BEHAVIOR backs up the BELIEF that we're valuable and deserving, amazing things happen. Affirmations without action are simply "make believe." If your behavior doesn't align with the belief that you're fabulous, worthy, valuable, etc. then you'll struggle to really believe it and live it.

Deliberate Mom Assignment:

Create your own joy list - whether on a note pad, your laptop, or smart phone - begin adding things to it as you go that bring you joy - and then do them! Begin this week with doing at least one thing for yourself that brings you joy.

Whether you start small or go big, make yourself and your self esteem a top priority in your life.  You'll not only feel better, but you'll also attract better results to you.

The Secret

photo from cnn,com

"What day is it today?" asked my 4-yr-old daughter as soon as she got out of bed.  "Is it Sunday? Saturday? Thursday?"  She found out it was Friday and leaped for joy as she ran down the stairs to excitedly tell her daddy that it was Friday, the day they were going to do "the secret."

Earlier in the week during prayer, this little girl had excitedly told me that she and Daddy had a secret.  And she told me that she couldn't say what it was and then proceeded to say thank you in her prayer for "the secret."  I cannot express how impressed I was with her for keeping it, too.  Even "I" had NO IDEA what the secret was - nor did I remember it even existed.

So when she woke up ecstatic this morning, I was very curious.  I didn't have to wait long to be told by my excited little girl that she and Daddy were going to make VERY SPECIAL NECKLACES with VERY SPECIAL BEADS today.

Now in all fairness, I woke up this morning with some excitement as well!  All I wanted to do was drive around and look at my list of potential houses to buy in the area.  I had researched them, plotted them out, narrowed them down, etc.  So when I woke up, I also ran downstairs excitedly to tell Daddy about MY PLAN for the day!

My daughter, usually my sidekick in looking at and dreaming about houses, told me she didn't want to go and look at houses with me today - that we could do it tomorrow - because today was the day for putting together VERY SPECIAL NECKLACES with Daddy.

Guess what?  Changing the oil in the car, an unplanned business call, an extra hungry baby with a few unplanned blowouts and baths, some turkey soup to take to a friend who had a baby, grocery shopping for the week, a wrong turn detour, and a few e-mails later . . . it was dark. And we couldn't see the houses I wanted to see.

I. Was. Upset.  Annoyed, frustrated, a little angry, and ultimately heartbroken.

But that was NOTHING compared to a little girl who realized as the sun went down that the day was over . . . and she had NOT gotten to have a special day or make her special necklace with Daddy and his special beads.

As she sobbed in the back seat, my first inclination was to be stern and get her to stop crying.  I mean, I was aggitated about my plans that had fallen through that day; I was in NO MOOD for a sobbing child in the closed confines of our car.

But it suddenly occurred to me that SHE was more upset by her plans falling through than I was.  She was heartbroken.

Once home, she broke down again - sobbing uncontrollably.  It was then that Daddy told me he had told her earlier in the week that on FRIDAY they were going to make special necklaces with special beads.  The dots connected; the light of understanding turned on.  As I headed upstairs to change a diaper, I heard her sobbing quietly in her room and mumbling under her breath about not getting to do her special project with Daddy.

It was at that moment that I realized that she needed to be understood.  She needed a hug.  She needed to feel validated in her feelings.  She needed to know it was okay to be heartbroken and cry.  She needed to know I understood the value of very special things and time with Daddy.  And she needed to understood that I "got" her - that I knew she was a person and not just a child!

I called her into my room and gave her a HUGE hug and said, "I am so sorry that you didn't get to do your necklaces today with Daddy."

She stopped crying, hugged me back, and said, "Thank you, Mommy!  I really wanted to do that all day.  Do you think we can do them tomorrow? Can we make tomorrow a day full of ALL the special things?"  Of course my answer was yes - and I may or may not have been near tears myself as her excited face and shining eyes and forgiving heart shone up at me.

I think sometimes we get lost in "parenting" our children.  We are teaching them, making them food, disciplining them (sometimes too much of that, huh?), correcting them, cleaning up after them, trying to get them to clean up after themselves, running here and there, telling them to be patient as we try to keep up with the constant demands, etc.  Sometimes in the midst of all of that, we forget they are just people like us.  They understand a lot more than we give them credit for.  They may be little, but that doesn't give them a lesser place of importance, a smaller voice in our home.

If we will just love them, respect them, understand them, validate them, include them, give them a role, and listen to them, we'll find that more frequently than we realized, they are the teachers; we are the students. But mostly, we really aren't that different.

My deliberate mothering goal is to give my children more of a voice in planning our days, in making decisions and setting goals, in choosing consequences for decisions, in creating a healthy menu that they will enjoy, etc.

Any tips and insight would definitely be welcome.

Healthy in NO TIME!

Quinoa-Stuffed Peppers from JillianMichaels.com

I just LOVE a nice, warm, healthy meal.  But I don't always (or ever lately) have time to start from scratch when I FINALLY have time to start from scratch!  Today I wanted to share a few of our favorite, healthy go-to meals and a link to some yummy-looking freezer meals you can prepare once a month and have when you NEED them!

As a general rule of thumb, we avoid ALL processed and white-flour carbohydrates.  We also try to avoid gluten/limit it to one meal a day/five days a week (including lunches).

Also - when looking at the ingredient list, you want to recognize all of the ingredients, and avoid anything that has sugar - in any form (including corn syrups of any kind) - in the first five ingredients. 

We also follow the MyPlate.Gov guidelines for portion sizes and prepare our food - even freezer meals - in correct portions.

If you have a favorite/go-to meal that is healthy and delicious, please message me!

Here's the link to some good options -- tweak a few of the ingredients for the above guidelines; but otherwise really healthy options!

Avocado Hummus:
Directions: Simply add the following to your food processor:
- 1 can of white beans, drained and rinsed
- 1 avocado, cubed
- Juice from 1/2 of a lime
- 1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon of olive oil
- 1/2 teaspoon sea salt -1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper or powered chipolte

Blend until smooth....Serve with veggies - peppers, carrots, celery, etc.!!!

Coconut Chicken and Lemon-Broccoli:
I made this last night, and it was SOOOO good!

Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees. Pan grill 2-4 chicken breasts until the crust outside is golden brown but not fully cooked through. In a separate bowl, mix 1/2 cup unsweetened coconut, 1 TBSP coconut oil or REAL butter (not margarine), and 2 minced garlic cloves, and microwave until oil/butter is melted. After Chicken is done on the stove top, pile your coconut mixture on top and then put in oven for 10-15 minutes or until coconut mixture has browned, but careful not to burn.

Steam broccoli and then add some lemon zest, lemon juice, olive oil and S&P.

This dish goes so great together and is really tasty!

Homemade Peanut Butter:
So here's how I make homemade peanut butter if you love having 1-2 Tbsp as a snack with celery like I do! You can buy "natural" peanut butter at the store like Adam's, but I prefer making it myself because I use coconut oil! So dang delish and healthy. You will need a high powered blender (we have a Blendtec).

Ingredients:
dry roasted/non-salted peanuts
unrefined/cold pressed coconut oil

How to:
Melt about 1/2 cup of coconut oil in the microwave and pour a tiny bit into the blender. Add about 1 cup of peanuts and gradually go back and forth with small amounts of coconut oil/1 cup peanuts until a smooth consistency. Don't pour tons of peanuts in there at once because it won't blend! You can add salt in the end, but we like it without since it has such a nice flavor. I use about 4-5 cups peanuts to 1/2 cup coconut oil--it just depends so go with the flow:)

Black Bean Salad:
Cook some ground turkey with a can of black beans (including the juice). Season it with Lemon Pepper Salt, Minced Onions, and a handful of flax meal. Serve over a bed of lettuce/spinach, no salad dressing needed because of the juice from the beans.
Melinda Added: A Black Bean salad like this also makes an amazing Southwest Salad when made with some taco seasoning cooked in with the turkey and some tomatoes, finely-diced cilantro, and cucumbers mixed in with the lettuce/spinach.

Curry Seasoned Chicken Breast:
Place the chicken breasts into a glass dish and sprinkle Curry and Seasoning Salt on them (make sure it's organic/doesn't have sugar in the first five ingredients or MSG's added). Cook in cooking spray, olive oil, coconut oil or just broil in the oven. Cut them up into strips for future easy-access protein. Serve with steamed brown rice, baked sweet potatoes, or quinoa. YUM! 

Spaghetti:
Make with spaghetti squash and a low-sugar marinara sauce, serve with extra lean hamburger, grilled chicken, shrimp, or salmon.

Turkey Burgers:
2 ½ lbs of ground turkey made with 2 finely-diced onions, ¼ red and ¼ green peppers, add in 2 packages of taco seasoning, a few dashes of Worcestershire Sauce, and two eggs. Mix all ingredients together, weigh out into individual portion sizes, grill and freeze extras. It makes 10 servings and is SO GOOD! You could also make this into a meatloaf and cut it into 10 servings.

Tuna, turkey, or chicken wraps, no cheese:
You can use mayonnaise for your fat and do melts/sandwiches for your family.

Marinated Chicken:
We eat this a lot! You can buy the McCormick marinades, tenderize the chicken a bit, poke it full of holes with a fork, and marinade it. 4 days in a Ziploc in your fridge. Cook on the grill and you have the BEST, most tender chicken you have EVER had! ;-D

Beef Stir-Fry:
WinCo actually has a frozen bean mixture – white, yellow, and green beans with carrots. I buy sirloin steak at Costco in bulk and slice, season, and cook it. Then I measure out individual servings of meat in containers and set it aside. Next, I sauté some onions and the frozen bean mixture in a few servings of olive oil, add in some eggplant or zucchini or squash, season it, measure out ½ cup servings, and then add it to the cooked beef. This is great to freeze for later! Actually makes a TON and goes a LONG WAY!

White Chili:
We use lentils, celery, onions, carrots, and green chilis and cook them in a crockpot until they are tender. You can use any beans, or add chicken/turkey, but the chilis really add a lot of flavor. And we use the mild ones for our kids. Then we do just a small amount of plain yogurt/Greek yogurt to give it the creaminess you are expecting. It’s awesome!!!

Black Bean Soup:
Again, just black beans, onions, carrots, celery, seasonings – it’s awesome! Sometimes I add salsa, sometimes I don’t. Always serve with a salad.

"Lasagna":
Steam or sauté your veggies (squash, zucchini, broccoli, green beans, etc.) and layer with cottage cheese and low-sugar marinara sauce. Top with cheese and melt the cheese.  Even my kids love it!  Or you can serve it over Spaghetti Squash! Or layer sliced zucchini in place of the noodles!

No-crust Quiche/Frittata:
I don’t know the difference between the quiche and frittata, so I don’t know what you would call it. ;-D
I just made this last week. I used eggs and egg beaters together, a little water for the fluffy egg/omelet effect, and then filled it with veggies – sautéed peppers, broccoli, onions, and fresh tomatoes. We serve it with salsa.

Taco Salad:
Make a normal taco salad, just leave out the chips and the dressing and add in one serving of your low-sugar dressing when you eat it.  Or use salsa and a little ranch together - awesome!

Omelet:
Make a breakfast omelet with veggies and one serving of protein; or do eggs and turkey or canadian bacon with sauteed green and red peppers.

Chicken Fajitas:
Lots of onions with one red and one green pepper and a low-sugar Fajita Seasoning mix. Serve over a bed of shredded lettuce (any kind) and a serving of ranch.  Or - serve in whole wheat tortillas with a small dollop of sour cream. YUMMY!

Cauliflower Pizza:
 I haven't tried this, but I have seen it pinned all over Pinterest - add some meat/veggies for your topping, and you're set! Makes one 9-12in pizza – 6 slices

Crust:
2 cups shredded cauliflower
1 egg
1 cup finely shredded reduced-fat mozzarella cheese
1 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp salt

Topping:
1/2 cup piza sauce or marinara sauce
1/2 cup finely shredded mozzarella cheese
topping of choice

Broken Piggy Bank?

I wrote a few days ago about choosing the top 10 things you want to teach your children - focusing in on 10 in order to ensure that you SUCCEED because your thoughts and intentions are not scattered all over the place.  You have a focus.  You can create a plan.  You can deliberately CREATE and TAKE ADVANTAGE OF moments to teach your 10 Things.

After I realized the power in focusing my Vision for my family, my thoughts immediately turned to our Finances.  One of the things I want my children to learn is Financial Self Reliance and Freedom. 

But so many times, in spite of my VERY detailed-and-verified-daily Budget Sheet, I do not see an end to all the things that are pressing on us. From mortgage payments to student loans to much-desired hobbies/extras for ourselves and our children, we seem to be "always moving but going nowhere."  Like there's a crack in our piggy bank and the money that is supposed to be accumulating keeps falling out somehow! Can you relate?


After I focused in on my Family Vision, I went to my Budget Vision.  Where I had been spending SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY trying to budget in money in so many different areas - refinancing, downpayment on a new home, money towards student loans, extra payments if we don't sell or refinance to cut the term of the loan, etc. - I decided to follow Dave Ramsey's advice and focus in on just ONE, the one with the highest interest rate and the one I had the most control over. 

When I took the money I was trying to allocate to so many different "What If's/Needs/Debts" and channeled it to ONE place, it was like magic on paper!  Suddenly I saw an end to one thing that was in our control, in spite of all of the things that were not.  Suddenly I saw and felt success instead of continual despair.  Suddenly the end of ONE MAJOR WEIGHT was a LOT closer than any of my previous calculations had ever deemed possible.

THAT IS A GOOD FEELING!  That is an EMPOWERING feeling!  That is a FOCUSED, DELIBERATE feeling!

Within a week of me making this "plan", we had some big financial things break down, fall apart, and come up.  But they didn't phase us!  They didn't get in the way of the PLAN, of the VISION, of the FOCUS, because we were committed to it.  We were committed to sacrifice in order to realize it.  We were committed to let the broken stay broken, the fallen apart go to the garbage without being replaced, the coming up come and go without us being a part of it this ONE time.  We could see the fruits of doing so, and they meant more to us than the temporary sacrifices we would be making.

I invite you to do the same.  Go to your finances and decide ONE THING that you can WIPE OFF your list.  Just one thing that is IN your control.  Get rid of it, re-channel the money and energy in order to be done with it, and when you hit that point, see what the next thing is that is in your control and weighing the heaviest on your mind and budget and get rid of it!  This is the way of success.  The other - the constant worrying and relocating and replanning and revisiting without ever actually progressing - is just the way of madness! :-)

If You Could Teach Your Children 10 Things

I know we have all heard that a goal not written down doesn't exist.  I'm sure you have also heard that if you try to chase too many things at once, you end up losing them all. 

I am a list writer because it's the only way I can keep my thoughts organized and keep it together - make sure I actually get things done that I need to get done.

So when I heard this advice from Jack Canfield at a recent conference I attended, it really struck a cord in my heart.  Of all the things in the world that I could be - of all the things I would or might even want to teach my children, if I had to FOCUS in on just 10, nothing more, no cheating, no combining, just the 10 MOST IMPORTANT THINGS . . . what would they be?

At first I thought about this in terms of identifying the 10 most important things.  But lately, as I've tried to focus in on the most important things in my own life and make sure that they get done, I realized that this invitation is about more than IDENTIFYING.  It's also about ACCOMPLISHING!

You see, if I have a never-ending list of things I am always working on, I am probably never getting anything done.  When I have a focused list of a few things I am intentionally . . . deliberately . . . working on, I am CERTAIN to succeed in doing them.

Take to heart this invitation.  My husband pointed out on my twins' 4th birthday that we had already gone through about 1/5 of our time WITH them.  And our time with them only amounts to about 1/5 of their entire lives.  But what we accomplish during that 1/5 of their lives will shape them for the rest of it.  We have no time to waste with our precious charge to teach our children.

So if you get just 10 things that they will remember FOREVER and NO MATTER WHAT, what do you choose?  Write them down.  Then make them happen! 

Tackling the Laundry

Do you sometimes feel like your life is one . . . long . . . workday?  Like you know you need a break, but every day comes and goes without you getting one?  I often feel like the sink is an endless fountain of dirty dishes and the laundry room an endless fountain of dirty laundry . . . no matter how many times I do them, there's always more to be done.

So today, I thought it would be fun to share some tips for keeping up on the laundry . . . so you can find time to do the really important things, like lie down for a few minutes a day to recuperate!

1. Keep separate baskets in your laundry room for darks, lights, whites, linens, and "clothes with stains".
2. At the end of each day, make part of your bedtime routine having everyone put their clothes/linens in the corresponding basket before they brush their teeth/go to bed.
3. Decide HOW you want to "do the laundry."  Some people pick one day a week - a Monday or Saturday - and make it laundry day.  That day, they wash, dry, fold, iron, and put away all of the laundry for the week.  Some people don't like to have it take an entire day and choose instead to do a load as they have a full load to do - to stay on top of it, start to finish, a little bit at a time.  Some people get energy discounts from their power company for doing laundry at night and on weekends, so they take advantage of that.  Whatever your preferred method, MAKE IT A METHOD!  Make it consistent!  Make it something that your family can count on and help make happen.
4. Have a basket for each person in the family . . . OR . . . have one basket for the parents, one for the children, and one for everything else. Then you aren't making multiple trips to each room in the house to put things away.  
5. Make it a family affair - teach your children responsibility from the beginning.  My toddlers - age 2+ - can put away their clothes.  My Pre-Schoolers are learning to fold their own clothes.  As your children get older, have them pick up their basket of clothes when they get home from school (better still - have them fold/iron AND put away their clothes themselves - so Mom is just sorting and distributing clean clothes in baskets; children are learning to work and take care of them).

What other tips have you found for/used in making the endless laundry piles a lot more manageable? 

Of course, there is always the question of how to make LESS laundry.  But that's another topic! :-)

I Like to Ride My Bicycle

Okay - this is NOT a picture of my family on a bike ride today.  In order to BE a picture of my family on a bike ride today, the man and woman would have to switch places, the woman in front would have to be 8 months pregnant, and the trailer behind would have to hold two.  THEN you would have our beautiful family bike ride today! :-)  But since I have NO WAY of capturing that on film, this is the next best thing.

We rode for probably 8 miles today.  I was SO PROUD of my twins as they took turns on the tandem bike.  Almost from the moment we left our house, my 4-y-o daughter was telling her twin brother, "Guess what?  Me and Mommy are going to BEAT you on our bike ride today!"  And that was the theme of our ride - with my 2-year-old chiming in with whomever was loudest and/or riding in the bike trailer with her when Daddy occasionally passed Mommy.

But what stood out to me the most was how GOOD it felt to be OUT together!  We weren't spending money, we weren't doing things that took a lot of prep work.  We were just out in nature, riding over the fallen Autumn leaves, past the smelly cows and beautiful horses and fields, over the bumpy bridges, down the hills, up the hills, having the BEST time together!  We laughed and reminisced.  We talked about the future and baby names.  We dreamed about living in the houses in our favorite neighborhoods along the route.  The kids chimed in and added that we were going to have horses and chickens and . . . . We just truly ENJOYED each other!

So many people are intent on giving their kids what they never had.  My husband and I realized today that we are no different . . . and today, we gave our children something we didn't have much growing up and would have LOVED more of.  Then I started to think about ALL the things we gave them today:

• We gave them a family outing that got us all some GREAT exercise (without the word exercise ever coming up in our minds or theirs)!  
• We gave them a family tradition of spending time together that doesn't cost money.  
• We passed onto them our family value of appreciating,enjoying, and meditating in nature. 
• We left our cell phones home and gave them the example of getting unplugged for family - that THEY are absolutely the MOST important things to us.  
• We gave them a MEMORY that they will never forget . . . and will be such a part of them that they really won't remember when it started.

Some things really are - above everything else - simply about TIME!

Halloween Book Fairy

Picture This: Halloween is over.  Your kids have GOBS of candy from the neighborhood and other parties you visited while Trick-or-Treating.  You don't want them to EAT all of it (horrible for them - and the sugar high? UGH!).  So you give them a few pieces and then put the rest away - for "them" to have later.

Next thing you know, you have joined the throngs of closet moms/dad . . . hiding in the closet, sneaking a bite of this, a handful of that, the last Reese's peanut butter cup, the only Almond Joy.

Can you relate?  Of course YOU'VE never been there, right?  Neither have I! :-)

So when I read my good friend Amanda's family tradition for that Halloween candy that comes into THEIR house each year, I had to share!

Each year, each child is given a Ziploc bag to put their FAVORITE pieces of candy into.  And they can eat that bag of candy whenever they want - it's theirs!  But the rest of the candy is left out the evening of November 1.  And the Halloween Book Fairy comes that night, takes their candy, leaves them a book, and returns the candy in December - just in time to decorate gingerbread houses over Thanksgiving Break. (If you're wondering where she takes it - GRANDMA'S HOUSE!)

Isn't that FANTASTIC?!?!?!  We LOVE books around here - and some Halloween/Thanksgiving books would be so fun to make part of our yearly tradition of giving the kids a book for Christmas every year.

Healthy Halloween Treats

I thought it would be fun to feature a few "healthy" choices to put out for Halloween parties!

Like these scary deviled spiders:

Or check out this tutorial for making some pretty frightening Monster Teeth:



Or some Pizza Mummies (you could also use cream cheese and berries for the eyes to make a "breakfast" mummy instead):

What about this healthy sweet alternative - an orange cut into a jack-o-lantern and stuffed with diced fruit (I also saw it with a really yummy looking shredded salad that kind of looked like the pumpkin had been planted and grown through for a while.):

And last but not least, this happy, healthy skeleton (with some hummus - YUMMY!):

What are you making for your kids for Halloween to balance out the sugar-high? :-)

Waiting for PERFECT?

What do you WANT from your life?  Have you sat down and created a VISION for where you are headed, what you want to have, what you want to do, what you want to create?  Do you have a savings plan, a retirement plan, a budget to pay off your debt?  Do you have family vacations you are definitely going to take, physical aspirations you are definitely going to accomplish, or maybe even on a smaller note you have a room in the house you are going to reorganize or paint or decorate a certain way?  Are you stuck in today . . . waiting for PERFECT?

Guess what?  PERFECT is probably not coming the way you think.

I know for me, there are so many things that I DON'T DO because I want them to be PERFECT!  I'm the "all or nothing", "success or bust" girl.  The QUEEN of it, actually!  For example:

• I miss dating my husband!  I know it would be SO GOOD for us to get out once a week and have a fantastic date night.  But it's so hard (and so expensive) to plan something every week.  And then we have to find a babysitter, and make sure the kids are in bed.  And then I have to think of something besides dinner and a movie that I can afford.  Hmmm . . . maybe this is why we don't date?  Perfect is Good; But DONE is Better!
• I have a friend who sent me an e-mail weeks ago.  I keep meaning to reply to her - because she is SUCH a great friend that I don't want her to think I don't have time for her.  But I don't ever have time to write ALL that I want to write - or all that she asked me about - so instead of "jipping" her on a so-so reply, I wait until I can write the reply she deserves . . . . until it drifts to the bottom of my e-mail list and I forget it's even there.  Perfect is Good; But DONE is Better!
• I want to eat organically across the board!  I want the BEST nutrition for me and for my kids!  I want to get a PERFECT workout in every single day - exercise 45 minutes, make sure I have the right mix of cardio and weights in my week.  I want to be sure I incorporate ALL of Bob Harper's rules . . . and everyone else's who has had success, for that matter.  And today - I just don't have the energy for a 45 minute workout, so I'll be sure to wake up tomorrow and get that workout in.  Because I really want it - I KNOW it matters!  Tomorrow . . . I'll eat better, follow all the rules, have the PERFECT exercise routine . . . order ALL of the supplements I need to enjoy optimal health and make sure I am going to be healthy and happy for years to come . . . tomorrow . . . . Perfect is Good; But DONE is Better!
• I want to keep a family journal.  The kids say so many cute things every day.  They are growing so fast!  I don't want to miss ONE THING while we are living it.  And pictures - you HAVE to have pictures to go with it.  I need to be better about taking pictures and posting them on my blog and sharing them with other people.  I am going to do ALL of that . . . for each child . . . . PERFECT is Good; But DONE is Better!

What PERFECT are you waiting for?  Stop waiting.  And LIVE whatever part of your dream/desire you can TODAY!  Start where you are and DO SOMETHING.  Then tomorrow, do something more.  Then the next day, a little bit more.  Because as AMAZING as perfect is . . . DONE, even a fraction of done, really IS perfect!

Help with the Dishes?

My sister tells me all the time that her kitchen in the heart of her home.  If it is clean, she has peace and balance. If it is messy, she can't focus or get anything else done - it drives her CRAZY!

I think I've become a bit desensitized over the years.  Sometimes you get to a point where you are just TIRED of cleaning.  It's SO MUCH work and lasts such a short time when you have small children.  But then I dig up pictures of the ONE HOME I have loved more than any other - and the cleanliness and order and peace I feel when I just LOOK AT and remember through pictures reminds me that I really FEEL better and function better when my home is, in fact, clean and organized.  The rest is just me being lazy!  LOL! (And, seriously, it really DOES last only a FEW minutes most days, right?)

How do you do it without going crazy? What can you do to keep it where it needs to be for there to be peace and balance in your home?  Today I am going to pass along ONE idea I received from my good friend Jade: How to keep up with the dishes!

Jade shared a few years ago that every night after dinner, she would clean the kitchen, load the dishwasher, and then go on with their family's nightly routine.  Then she would turn the dishwasher on as they went to bed and start the next day with clean dishes. 

But every morning, she felt like she was starting the day behind already!  And she couldn't figure out why, with all the preparation she had put into the night before.

Want to know how she fixed it?  She started the dishwasher after she loaded it, went about her nightly routine, and then EMPTIED the dishwasher BEFORE she went to bed!

BAM!  Just like that, it was ready to load with the breakfast dishes and she stayed ON TOP of the workload day after day after day.

Now isn't that too easy for words?  I LOVE it!  I haven't done it for a while, but I am going to start again! 

What do YOU do to keep on top of the messes and keep the balance and peace of a clean/organized home?

EnJOY the Walk

Have you ever been on a hike - or driving to a new place - and felt like it took FOR-E-VER to reach your destination; but then, on the trip back, it seemed to go SO MUCH FASTER?!?!?  I have! ALL. THE. TIME.  Why?  Because the anxiety of the unknown in front of you is so consuming.  But when you come back, that anxiety is gone.  You are headed to something familiar.

The problem is in the post-trip experience.  How often do you remember the markers you passed on the way?  What feelings and smells and sounds and images come to mind when you think of the trip into that destination point?  For me, a lot gets lost in the anxiety of the unknown road ahead and wanting to just get there, just BE there, not wondering how much further or what obstacles (traffic jams, road construction, T's in the road that could take me the wrong direction, nightfall) I will face in the process.
 
Today I read a friend's post on Facebook about how her little boy just said his first two-word sentence.  It not only made me smile, but it reminded me of so many days when I find myself mentioning to my husband a connection one of the kids made that really impressed me or taught me something about what they think about.  Or I find myself telling him about how much they have changed in just a few weeks in really BIG ways, ways that you might miss if you weren't watching, listening, tuning into their "childspeak," and really just PAYING ATTENTION.

And it also reminded me of how many days I went the entire day without noticing a thing, ANXIOUS to just get through it.

On "My Fair Lady," Freddy sings, "I have often walked down your street before, but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before. All at once am I several stories high, knowing I'm on the street where YOU live!" How often we walk the exact same street . . . every. single. day. No variation. No new horizon. No curves to have anxiety about, or maybe so many curves that all we feel at times is anxiety. :-)  

But for each of us, that daily road can take on new meaning as we remember what is happening along it, just as Freddy did.  ANY "street" at any time can be the street of your dreams, given the right perspective.

Be the road ahead uncertain or be it familiar -- be it a trail through the forest, a country road, a city road, the mall, the road leading to work, the road to the park, or wherever else your feet may lead you -- there are millions of things to see and discover and enJOY along the way.

And the roads of a child's life, a child's mind, a child's experiences, and a child's memories are even more amazing.

But both require you to stop. Quiet the anxiety. Look up instead of down at your feet.  See the straight road that leads to the curve and not just the curve that lies ominously ahead of you or the pebbles and cracks you are worried about stumbling over along the journey.

And ENJOY the WALK!

Health: It's a Matter of "DO"-ing

How many times in life do we need a shift in thinking - a change in our focus? EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. OVER. HERE. LOL! And we hope that you will find those shifts in thinking for yourselves here at The Mommy 15. 

Today, I wanted to talk briefly about a shift in thinking about food.  So often, people tell you what you shouldn't eat.  Don't eat sugar, don't eat carbs, don't eat processed foods, don't eat after 7:00 at night, whatever it might be.  It's generally focused around DON'TS.

But it has been my experience that when I focus on the DO'S instead of the DON'TS, I get a lot farther and feel a lot better.  Check this out:

Most of us grew up with the Food Guide Pyramid, which we may - or may not - have paid enough attention to that we could actually talk about it, quote from it, etc.  HOWEVER, with the obesity and downward trends in health in the United States today compared to even 50 years ago, the government has revised the food guide pyramid to show us simply a PLATE and what should be on that plate at each meal:
 

If you take a salad-sized plate and divide it in half - on one half, you should have 1/2 grains (about 1/2 of a cup of most grains) and 1/2 protein (3-4 ounces).  On the other half, you should have 1/4 fruit (a small apple, 1/2 cup of other fruits) and 3/4 vegetables (1 cup raw, 1/2 cup steamed).  And then add in a side of dairy.  For small children, the same visual applies, the plate - and therefore the servings - would just be smaller/adjusted accordingly.  It's GENIUS, really!


If you look at the MyPlate.gov guidelines, American people should be the healthiest people alive!  Why aren't we?  Because we just don't sit down and DO what our bodies need us to do in order to protect them!  We don't like it when someone says that we shouldn't eat this or drink that because our bodies, quite frankly, are so used to being UNhealthy that they crave the things that make us fat, sick, unable to think clearly, and unhappy.

But - since it can be overwhelming to think of all the changes we need to make when we focus on cleaning out our cupboards and re-visiting our pantries and fridges, think instead of what you SHOULD eat in a day and start ADDING those things to your diet.  And once you get all of the "DO" things in, know what?  You probably won't WANT the "DON'TS" because your body will be so SATISFIED by what it has eaten!

Here's a little DIY Activity I made up in college that really helped me - and it's something you can get the ENTIRE family involved in:
1) Take two regular-sized envelopes and tape the backs together so that the openings are facing out and open. Don't tape the flaps together, just the backs.
2) In a document, create a word strip for every serving of food you SHOULD eat in each meal for the entire day.  Do a little research for each member of your family - the recommended amounts are based on age, gender, and physical activity.  For example, a 25-year-old female needs 2 cups of fruit a day, so since 1/2 cup is one serving, she would have four strips of paper that each said "fruit" on them. She also needs 2 1/2-3 cups of vegetables a day.  So three strips of paper that each said "vegetable" on them.
3) Below the opening on one envelope, write the word "EAT" or "DO"; on the opening of the other envelope, write the word "ATE" or "DONE".
4) Place all of the word strips in the "EAT" side.
5) As you plan and eat meals throughout the day, move ALL of your word strips to the "ATE" side BEFORE you eat anything NOT in the envelope.
6) Hang the envelope on the refrigerator so you remember and can easily access it when you are hungry/want to eat something.

You can have each family member decorate their envelope however they want - and even their strips of paper, so they won't get lost.  I also laminated my strips of paper and covered my envelopes with tape so they would last longer.  It's a fun, easy way to switch the focus to what you are "DO"-ing instead of what you shouldn't be!

You can make it a family game - or a competition between you and your spouse or one of your children.